Setting is an element of fiction that many aspiring novelists overlook. This is especially true if their setting is a modern day city or town rather than an elaborate science fiction creation. But the setting is actually a vital part of the story no matter what sort of novel you’re writing. It can do everything from build atmosphere to create conflicts.
If you haven’t put any time or thought into your setting, you’re missing out on a major element of your novel.
The Setting Should Feel Purposeful
Wherever your novel is set, there needs to be a reason it’s set there. It should feel important (vital even) to the plot of the novel.
Why set a novel in the arctic if cold weather never affects the plot? Why set your YA in a high school if the conflict is irrelevant to the character’s school? And why set your novel in a bland/blank city when there are so many more interesting possibilities?
The sections below will help get you thinking about why you might choose a particular setting and/or how you can best utilize the setting you’ve already got.
Use the Setting to Create Conflict
Setting is so much more than just a location, it can cause or intensify all sorts of conflicts. Remember that “man vs. nature” thing you learned about in high school? Nature can be quite a compelling antagonistic force.
Floods, tornadoes, tidal waves, thunder storms, earthquakes, drought, thorn bushes, quicksand, raging rivers, poison berries, wild animals, freezing conditions – the setting can really kick the bajeezus out of your characters.
When inventing challenges for your characters to overcome, don’t overlook those that come from the natural world around them.
Use the Setting to Reflect or Intensify Internal Conflict
One way to make setting feel purposeful and integrated into the story is to use it to reflect or intensify the character’s internal emotional state.
If your character is thrown into a frightening situation with a bunch of characters she doesn’t know, you can amp up the volume by stuffing them into close quarters, like an underground bunker. The cramped space forces them to be in close contact and prevents the protagonist from being able to get away.
If your character has been forced to leave the comforts of home for the first time, sticking him in a dilapidated old house full of bugs and bats (okay, I kind of have a bat thing right now because of the bat that was in my office), will emphasis how unpleasant it is to be away from home.
Even something as simple as the claustrophobia created by a heavy snow storm or long winter can help amplify the character’s internal conflict.
Use the Setting to Say Something About Your Characters
Where the characters live and the places they visit can provide the reader with a strong impression of who they. For example, a character whose house is filthy will be very different from a character whose house is so clean you can eat off the floor. Likewise, a character who lives in an upscale neighborhood is going to be very different from the one who lives in a crummy apartment.
The setting can say a lot about your character’s lifestyle without you having to lift a finger. See, setting can even save you from too much telling!
Describe the Setting with Purpose
Anytime you describe the setting, it needs to be with a purpose. Sometimes writers feel that long descriptions of the setting are a requirement, but this is far from the truth. Long irrelevant descriptions (of anything) will slow your novel down!
Describe the setting with purpose. Whenever you include a description, think critically about why you’re including it – what is it conveying about the character? Why is the information important?
Don’t describe the layout of a city just because you can see it in your mind. And don’t spend a page describing the weather if your character never goes outside. Be strategic.
Engage the Five Senses
Creating an environment that is rich and interesting requires that you engage the reader’s senses. It’s easy to stop at what the setting looks like, but what about what it smells like? Do the city streets smell like wild flowers from the urban gardens or like the sewage the neighbors are throwing in the street?
What about sounds? Is the countryside silent or loud with wild animals and insects? Do the dry reeds crackle in the breeze? Can the sound of waves be heard crashing in the distance?
And don’t forget the little tactile details. Are the handrails smooth chrome or gritty and rusted? Is there gum stuck under them? And what about inside the house, does sand blow under the doors? Is it so humid that the walls sweat and the furniture feels damp? What does it feel like to live in this world?
Homework: Strengthening Your Setting
Here are some questions and activities to give your setting the push it needs:
Did you choose your novel’s setting for a reason? If not, brainstorm ways that your setting could create or enhance the conflict of your novel and/or tie in with your character’s internal conflict OR brainstorm an alternative setting that creates more depth for your novel.
If you’re happy with your current setting, brainstorm new ways the setting can affect the events of the novel. These don’t have to be big. They can be tiny moments that add richness to the story.
Write an essay about your setting and how it appeals (or doesn’t appeal) to each of the five senses. You could easily write an essay on each sense if you really let your imagination run wild.
These activities will help you enrich your setting so that it becomes a memorable and significant part of your novel.
Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants
Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!
I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!
What is Novel Boot Camp?
Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.
Full disclosure: I am not much of a romance lover. In fact, I rarely enjoy romance even as a side plot. This is mostly because it is typically done in a way that is so shallow, predictable, and annoying that I want to throw the book (or throw up). That said, I have edited a few romances over the years that I truly enjoyed because they had fantastically lovable characters and conflicts that were different and unique.
So here is my best advice on writing a romance that even I (and my fellow non-romance-lovers) will enjoy.
Don’t be Disgusting
No, not that kind of disgusting… I’m talking about the really disgusting part of romance – the mushy-gushy lovey-dovey, OMG I love you sooooooo much kind of disgusting.
You don’t want your readers’ eyes to roll back in their heads with exasperation, nor do you want them gagging into their e-readers. So use the mushy stuff sparingly. Here are some tips:
Show don’t tell (“Wow, everything comes back to that with you, doesn’t it?”). Rather than constantly telling the reader that they love, love, love each other, show it instead. Use actions, gestures, complex thoughts, and dialogue to convey their love. A great romance doesn’t even need to say the word “love” to be utterly and completely satisfying.
If you do use the L-word, don’t do it in every single gosh darn scene. Let it mean something. Use it sparingly.
Sparingly is a good guide to all elements of a romance. Unless you’re writing erotica, go easy on the smooching, sexing, ogling, and the compliments. We don’t need to hear how steamy hot the protagonist is in every single scene.
Avoid scenes that revolve around characters staring into each other’s eyes and endlessly professing their undying love. This seems weird to me, and also boring.
Don’t be Creepy
There are certain expressions of “love” that can be downright creepy. Some of these are used in published novels with varying degrees of success, but most should be avoided.
Here are some notable creep factors:
One or both characters are finally “complete” now that they’ve found the other person. The implication being that they needed a partner in order to become a real person.
Similarly: one character (usually the female) has no personality, goals, or interests until she meets the man, then suddenly the man brings meaning to her life. I’m not saying they can’t help each other grow, but they shouldn’t be empty shells before meeting.
The man (though it could be a woman) acts aggressively – grabbing or restraining the woman to prevent her from leaving because he just has to have a conversation with her about their relationship. This isn’t passion, it’s abuse, and it’s creepy.
One of the partners shows their love by being crazy jealous, perhaps even going as far as to attack another person or their property for expressing interest in their partner.
One or both characters are incapable of going any period of time without their partner. Missing each other is normal, but if life isn’t worth living because her bf went out to play golf, things start getting creepy.
The man is a total womanizer until he meets the female lead and then wham-bam he’s a gentle, amazing guy. “Yeah, but what about the whole womanizing thing?” said me, unable to forgive and forget.
Avoid Misunderstandings as Prolonged Conflict
A common issue with many romance plots and subplots is the primary conflict being based on a misunderstanding. This is a problem because it’s been done a million times and because it’s unrealistic.
The woman accidentally walks in on her man with his arms wrapped around another woman, but it’s not like that, she just tumbled into his arms while he was buying his love interest a wedding ring.
This is not a conflict that can be sustained for very long. In real life, normal people would just have a conversation immediately and then move on with their lives. Refusing to communicate over a misunderstanding can be maddeningly annoying to readers.
Weight the Romance According to its Plot Value
How much weight you give the romance should be balanced with its value to the plot. If the novel is primarily about the romance, then obviously there needs to be a lot of it! But if romance is a subplot, it can be helpful (and ideal) to consider how much it is enhancing the main plot and how much value it’s adding to your story.
There is no sense in lingering on a romance in every scene of your novel if it doesn’t tie in with or improve upon the main plot. If the romance doesn’t offer a stepping stone in the character arc or create interesting and complex conflicts that get in the way of the main plot, it probably shouldn’t have much “screen time” in the novel.
Take the genre into consideration as well. You do not want your horror novel turning into a paranormal romance. If the romance starts to push out the genre elements, you’ve gone too far.
What Makes a Romance Work
Now that I’ve told you all the things not to do, let’s talk about some of the things to do:
Show don’t tell (“Wait, didn’t she already say that…?”). I cannot emphasize this enough. You can tell readers all day long that your characters are in love, but if you don’t show it, it’s just a bunch of empty words. Readers need to feel that the characters are in love based on the way they interact.
The reader needs to perceive value in both characters. They need to have personality traits that are interesting and positive. Traits that offer something to their love interest. Traits that are likeable, loveable, or endearing.
But the characters also need to be flawed. Like big time. They need to have traits that the love interest identifies as negative. Nobody wants to read about two people who are totally amazing and perfect and love everything about each other. Have them accept each other despite their flaws and you will create something much more endearing.
Avoid insta-love. This is when characters become madly in love with each other all of a sudden out of nowhere. This sucks at the beginning of the book and it sucks just as much at the end. Romance should have a build up that should be clear but relatively slow.
Go for meaningful tiny gestures over big superficial ones. Juno filling Bleeker’s mailbox with Tic Tacs is a whole lot cuter and more meaningful than a fancy man in a suit taking a woman out to a candlelit dinner with a ring in the champagne glass. Characters that demonstrate that they know each other for real, deep down, in a special way are far more likely to be perceived as genuinely in love.
Develop love at moments that feel natural. Don’t try to stuff romance into scenes where it makes no sense, such as stopping in the middle of a burning building for a love-professing monologue. This reduces the tension of the burning building and also pulls the reader in too many directions to fully appreciate the romantic moment.
Differences don’t have to be about growth. Some of the best romances are those between mismatched couples where one is super crazy and eccentric and the other is rigid and orderly, or where one is super cowardly and the other is super brave and gets them into all sorts of trouble. These differences don’t need to result in changing the personality of the other partner. Sometimes relationships work because they balance each other. And that can be a beautiful thing.
Love your characters. If you don’t love them, they won’t love each other. Not really. If you don’t feel your characters’ souls as if they’re real, they can’t truly fall in love, and the reader can’t truly fall in love with their love. It just can’t happen.
Homework: Strengthening Your Romance
Whether your novel is a straight up romance or has the teeniest of romantic subplots, here are some questions to strengthen it:
If you took out all of the telling (whether it be narration or character thoughts) and all of the sexy/smoochy stuff, would the reader still be able to tell that the characters are in love? Do they demonstrate love without it having to be said? Do they have a clear connection?
Are both characters full and complete human beings before they meet each other? Do they each have value without being in a relationship? Do they each offer traits of value to each other?
Are both characters flawed? Both physically and emotionally/psychologically/mentally?
Does the relationship develop over time rather than the characters falling in insta-love?
Be honest: is a misunderstanding the backbone of most of their conflicts or do they have legitimate, realistic issues?
Is the romance weighted in the novel in accordance to its value to the plot?
These questions should get you moving on assessing and improving the quality of your romantic subplot.
Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants
Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!
I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!
What is Novel Boot Camp?
Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.
Week four of Novel Boot Camp is upon us! It’s going faster than I ever expected. It’s been a whirlwind, but it’s been great fun. And of course, it has sparked a lot of questions from all of you wonderful participants.
So this week I want to give everyone the opportunity to ask me your most burning questions! Since there’s no way I can answer a couple hundred questions this week, I am not going to be responding in this workshop. Instead, I will be compiling the questions that I feel will best serve the Novel Boot Camp community, and I will post the answers to these questions in a future blog post.
When will the post go live? This depends a bit on how many questions are asked, the types of questions asked, and how easy it is to pick the best ones to answer. I may use the questions to write full lectures or I may compile them into several blog posts to go up after Boot Camp.
The Rules
Please follow these rules when posting your questions:
Each writer may post up to two original questions.
You may request a lecture or blog post addressing an issue or aspect of writing or editing if you prefer.
If you see that someone has already posted your question, please reply to their comment with “me too,” “ditto,” or an explanation of why you too are interested in the answer. Please try your best not to start a new comment thread for a question that has already been asked.
Please do not answer the questions in the comments. This will prevent things from getting cluttered and will also protect writers from getting potentially inaccurate advice.
Questions may be directly related to your book, but please do not post any excerpts.
Questions may be general in nature and not directly related to your novel.
Please keep questions related to writing, editing, or publishing.
All questions should be posted in the comments below.
Please post your questions before July 27th.
Unless there is a crazy huge amount of questions, I would like to answer all of them eventually. This will most likely not be possible during Novel Boot Camp, so be sure to follow the blog in case I answer your question after camp is over.
Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants
Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!
I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!
What is Novel Boot Camp?
Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.
Writing a series or trilogy of novels is all the rage right now. The dream of publishing a novel, for many writers, has turned into the dream of a successful series of novels with a mega-blockbuster movie deal. Writing a book series is very appealing to aspiring writers. But what makes a series successful?
It’s a lot more than simply writing a bunch of books about the same characters. Writing a great book series is like writing a great novel except three times bigger (for a trilogy) or four, five, ten, twenty times bigger (for a series), because not only does each novel have an arc, but so does the series as a whole.
If you’re writing or considering writing a novel trilogy or series, here are some things to keep in mind:
Plan Ahead
If I could only give you one single piece of advice, this would be it: plan ahead! The more plotting, outlining, and time-lining you do, the better your series will turn out. This prep work will save you from major headaches down the line. It will also enable you to provide details about the rest of the series to a prospective publisher, who’s going to want to know what the series has in store.
Create a Time Line
There is nothing worse than realizing halfway through book two that your super-amazing, carefully crafted plot doesn’t make sense because Pirate Pierre is supposed to take over the world two years before he was born. Time line issues can create major nightmares for a series writer, but can be easily avoided by maintaining a time line of your story. Creating one early will help you plan an error-free series.
Viewing your world’s history and your characters’ histories in a time line may also spark new ideas and interesting connections.
Create a Series Bible
Every time you introduce a concept, rule, or description, put it in a series bible (a big ol’ document full of information about your series). Then refer to this bible often as you write the books to ensure that you are following your own rules and maintaining consistency.
Some things you may want to include in your series bible:
Character profiles, including their arc across each book and the entire series.
Family trees or other charts of how characters are connected.
Maps of locations or detailed written descriptions of the layout of the land.
Any rules or laws established in the series.
An explanation of how abilities or powers work and a list of their limitations.
Introducing Concepts that Become Relevant Later
Possibly the most challenging aspect of writing a series is introducing concepts that become relevant in later books. While not an absolute requirement, establishing concepts in early books can help create a consistant and “real” feel to the series.
Whenever you’re introducing a concept/character/ability/location/etc that will become relevant later, the key is to also make it relevant now, in book one. That doesn’t mean it needs to be central to the plot or even relevant to a major conflict, but it needs to feel like it’s being included for a purpose and/or its inclusion needs to be invisible to the reader.
If a minor character’s stinginess becomes the major conflict of book three, perhaps their stinginess causes a minor conflict in book one and a slightly larger one in book two. This way you establish their stinginess in a way that is relevant to the first two books rather than throwing it in as an extraneous detail.
“Hiding” the introductory of information is also an option. For example, you can use flippant comments from characters, jokes, warnings, etc. to introduce an idea in an unobtrusive way.
Consistency
Keep in mind as you write or revise the first book in your series that anything you set up in the first book (no matter how insignificant) must be carried through the rest of the series. This is where planning the full series in advance can save you a lot of headache. If a law is mentioned in passing in book one, you are locked into following it, even if it prevents you from exploring a really cool plot line for book two.
Even if all you want to do is just make a teeny-tiny alteration to the character’s magical powers, readers will call your bluff. Your series will no longer feel realistic. Inconsistency shatters the illusion of the story.
Keep Loose Ends Strategic
It can be tempting to leave a variety of loose ends in the first novel in the series so that when writing subsequent books you can pick up whichever loose end seems most interesting or exciting. But a ton of loose ends can make a novel feel unfocused and cluttered. Plus leaving unanswered questions isn’t satisfying for readers.
If you leave a loose end, it needs to get tied up at some point in the series. So don’t leave a bunch of stuff dangling if you don’t intend to address it later.
Each Book Stands Alone
It is never okay to end a novel without a resolution. The first (or second or tenth) novel in a series is no exception. Every novel must stand alone on its own two feet with its own central conflict that gets resolved over the course of the novel.
Yes, there may be a bigger picture conflict that has not been resolved or you might imply a new conflict to tempt the reader to read the second book, but overall, the book should have some serious stand-alone appeal.
The most important thing to ask is: Does this book have value outside the context of a series? Would it sell if there were no sequels?
If you answer no, you’ve got some major reworking to do.
The Character Arc
Writing a character arc throughout a series of novels can be a challenge for some writers. While a character arc needs to be present in every novel, it does not necessarily need to be a different arc for every story. The character can have one arc that is broken into several stages.
For example, say you have a character who grows from being a spoiled rich girl to a worldly and generous heroine across the course of a series. Her character arc in book one may simply be accepting the fact that members of her society are impoverished. Perhaps she struggles to accept this because she was told it isn’t true. Maybe she blames the impoverished people for their plight for most of the novel, but her eyes are opened by the end.
In the second book in the series, perhaps she learns to accept life among the impoverished people, while in book three she learns to be willing to fight for them. The character arc can be broken into smaller chunks (or arcs) just like the plot of the series can be broken into smaller plot chunks (arcs) for each book.
The character arc can also be caused by the previous novel in the series. If a character makes a decision that results in the death of a friend, she may spend all of book two learning to accept herself and let go of the guilt.
Consider the “Connecting” Factor
What is the concept or element that will connect the books in the series? Is it the character’s ability? The world? A villain?
Whatever element of the series is the connecting factor, that element needs to be extremely strong. This is your series’ “hook.” Without one, there isn’t much reason for a series.
The thing is, publishers don’t want writers to create series just for the hell of it. There needs to be something that makes the series cohesive. It should not feel tangentially related, nor should it feel like an average character is followed through a series of unrelated obstacles across the series. There needs to be something exciting and consistent for the reader to latch onto.
Identifying and strengthening the appeal of this connecting factor can help you sell the idea to agents, publishers, or readers.
Avoid Being Stingy with Ideas
One common obstacle with writing a series is the temptation to “save” ideas for later books. You think up a cool concept but then hesitate to add it to book one. Wouldn’t it spice up book three a little more? you think.
The problem with saving ideas for later is that there won’t necessarily be a later. Even if the first book gets published, there is no guarantee any sequels will ever hit the shelves. If you’re stingy with your ideas, you’ll end up with a half-baked novel sitting on your hard drive rather than a fantastic standalone novel on book shelves.
Don’t Write a Series Because it’s Popular
A lot of big books recently have been a part of a series, and I think this has led a lot of writers to get dollar signs in their eyes when they think about landing a huge-o gigantic multi-book deal. But don’t just jump on the series bandwagon because you want to be more marketable.
In truth, many publishers are actively seeking out standalone novels because of the insurgence of writers selling series. There is a great market for both standalone and series novels. So don’t try to iron your plot as flat as a pancake to spread it over a trilogy. If a series develops, that’s great. If it doesn’t, that’s equally as great.
Homework: To Series or Not to Series
If you’re writing a series, consider whether your story is truly big enough to fill multiple books. Will each of these books have a full plot arc that would be satisfying outside the context of a series? Have you done a significant amount of prep work on your series? If not, spend some time today organizing your time line, outline, and series bible.
If you’re not writing a series, consider if the story you’re telling has series potential or is getting too big for its one-book britches. A good sign is a word count creeping up over 100,000.
Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants
Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!
I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!
What is Novel Boot Camp?
Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.
Some novels seem to have everything right – cool characters, an exciting plot, and a fast pace – yet they are boring, boring, boring! How can this be?
In performers, this missing element is often referred to as the “it” factor. It’s difficult to define or explain, but when you see it, you know it! As writers, our “it” factor is our voice. It’s the way we describe things and turn phrases. It’s our word choices, our ability to convey emotion, and our unique yet clarifying metaphors.
But many amateur writers struggle to find their voice. It feels so illusive, so impossible, yet voice seems to come so naturally to everyone else!
Sit back, relax, and have some coffee. I’m going to do my best to help you find your voice.
But first:
Why is Voice Important?
In a world where everyone and their dog has written a novel, the competition is fierce. I believe very strongly that the internet has created an insurgence of unskilled writers (and editors, don’t get me started…) who read a few articles online and think they’ve got this writing thing in the bag.
This means your manuscript must drip with potential in order to stand out from the pack. Unfortunately, a novel without a unique voice (unless the concept is knock-your-socks-off awesome) is going to struggle to get noticed.
Plus, voice is probably the very first thing an agent, editor, or reader is going to take note of. It will also likely be the deciding factor as to whether they like or dislike your writing.
How to Tell if Your Voice is Weak
There are lots of signs of a weak voice. Here are some of the most common:
Nobody will read your novel. You’ve given it to friends, family, and beta readers yet none of them ever got around to reading past the first few pages.
You get bored reading your own work. If you find yourself yawning while reading or skimming over sections of your book, that’s a good sign your voice is MIA.
You wish you could write like (Stephen King, Chuck Palahniuk, John Grisham, [insert favorite author here]). Sure, a certain level of talent envy is normal, but if you aren’t a fan of your own voice, there’s a good chance it isn’t quite there yet.
You get rejected a lot. Rejection is a normal part of the writing process and can be the result of a lot of issues (both inside and outside your control), so I hesitate a bit to include this. But if you get rejected on project after project after project, especially if you never get any requests for partials or fulls, there’s a good chance you’re lacking in the voice department.
Reasons for a Weak Voice
Now that we’ve gone over some signs that your voice is not as strong as it could be, let’s explore some possible causes of a weak voice:
This is your first novel. Developing a strong voice takes time. Every writer wants to believe that he is a prodigy with a naturally fascinating voice, but writing doesn’t work that way. It’s a skill, and one that takes quite a while to learn and perfect.
You’re immitating someone else. An immitation is always second rate. So long as you’re trying to write like your favorite author, you’re never going to find a voice that is truly and authentically yours.
You have boxed yourself into a point of view. Experimenting with third-person limited, third-person omniscient, and first person can help you hit on a style that suits your voice and plays to your strengths. Sometimes switching the point of view is all it takes to find your voice.
You’re thinking too hard. Sometimes writers think too hard while they’re writing (or they revise as they go) and this inhibits their ability to just let loose and allow the words t0 flow.
What to do if Your Voice is Weak
There is really only one way to strengthen a weak voice, and that is to experiment. Here are some great exercises to get you started:
Experiment. Go wild. Take a scene from your book and paste it into a fresh document. Rewrite it in a style completely different from how you wrote it initially. Do this over and over, fiddling with the word choices, the descriptions, the length of the sentences. Get a feel for what it’s like to write in different styles.
Experiment with point of view. Do the same exercise above except write your scene in third limited, omniscient, and first person. Get a feel for what each of the POVs has to offer. Read through the samples to get a sense of which POV is best suited to your voice and style.
Spend time on unstructured writing. It’s easy to get bogged down in writing and rewriting and re-rewriting your novels. Sometimes this can get writers stuck in a writing rut where they can’t see issues with their style. Spend some time (each day if you can) writing something that has nothing to do with your novel. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with anything. Just write for the joy of writing and see what style emerges.
Write from a different character’s perspective. Sometimes a problem with voice can actually be a problem with the POV character. If your protagonist is a whiner, is superficial, or is bland or boring, it can have a devastating effect on your prose. Try writing from the perspective of a different character in your novel (you don’t have to keep the scene when you’re done) and see if your voice seems stronger.
Homework: Experiment!
Choose one of the exercises above and experiment with a totally different style or perspective. It might be just the thing you need to hit on a voice that you can be proud of.
But more than anything else, remember that developing a great voice takes a long time. It’s not going to happen over night. It’s probably not going to happen within your first few years of writing. It’s tough and it’s time consuming.
But hey, if it was easy, everyone would publish a novel!
Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants
Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!
I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!
What is Novel Boot Camp?
Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.
Antagonists are great! They’re evil, quirky, strange people who do things that we normal people would never dream of doing. Unfortunately, antagonists are often not given enough character development to truly be able to shine.
So today we’re going to talk about how to improve your antagonist and the role he or she plays in your novel. I know that I’ve touched on the antagonist a few times already, but I wanted to give this important character the space he deserves in this course.
Note that not all novels have a human (or sentient) antagonist. If your book doesn’t have one, don’t fret! It’s not a requirement. Though most books have at least some human element to their antagonistic force, so you may still pick up some helpful hints.
Avoid Bad for Bad’s Sake
The most common mistake when writing an antagonist is creating a character who is bad just for the sake of being bad. He loves to rub his hands together and laugh maniacally and think about drowning puppies and stealing candy from babies.
This type of person does not exist in reality. Even serial killers, rapists, and mass murderers are rarely (if ever) described as all-around bad people. Even most crappy horror movies give the antagonist at least some sort of motivation.
People are bad for a reason. They have a motivation to do the evil things they do, which leads us to:
Antagonists Must Have Tangible Goals
The antagonist, just like the protagonist, has something that he or she wants to achieve. They have a goal. This goal needs to be tangible, identifiable. If the reader doesn’t know what the goal is right away, they at least need to get the impression that there is one.
The goal also needs to make sense!
Taking over the world and murdering everyone is a mostly illogical goal. What would someone do with a world full of dead people? Yet taking over the world could be turned into a realistic goal if it would allow the antagonist to solve some personal issue, such as needing the government’s secret technology in order to build a time machine to go back in time to save his sister.
Yes, even antagonists need to have a goal that is personal. Achieving their goal must relieve some source of pain or hardship in their lives. Without that, their goals will seem laughable.
Note that their source of pain or hardship could be entirely based on their own perception. It doesn’t have to make sense to normal people. However I would avoid using “insanity” as a cop out for the antagonist’s behavior.
Antagonists Believe They Are Right
Just like the protagonist believes they are right, the antagonist believes that they are right too. This is a very important fact that can be easy to lose sight of. Many amateur novels have an antagonist who practically walks around going, “Oh gee do I love being evil!”
This is not how people think. When people do bad things, they believe that (for some reason) the behavior is justified.
For example, an abusive parent isn’t abusing their kid because they just like being evil. Most individuals who act aggressively towards anyone (friend, family, or foe) are able to justify it: “He deserved it!” “He was asking for it!” “My dad beat me and I turned out okay!” “It builds characters!”
Some antagonists may even believe that what they are doing is actively good. For example, cleansing the world of a certain type of person, teaching someone “bad” a lesson, or righting some sort of wrong for which they were the victim.
The most important thing to remember is that if an antagonist doesn’t believe what they’re doing is right (in whatever twisted, messed up way), you’re going to have a tough time making them seem realistic to the reader.
Antagonists Are Defeated by Their Flaws
For a truly satisfying climax, the antagonist should lose because of a character flaw. Just like with protagonists, this flaw could take an infinite number of forms. Antagonists could be overly arrogant and make careless mistakes that get them caught. They could underestimate the protagonist and end up getting defeated in a way they never imagined. They could get so wrapped up in their ritualistic behavior that they don’t clear out of a crime scene in time. Or they could have difficulty controlling their anger to the point that they snap in public.
Whatever their flaw, it should be made as apparent as possible prior to the climax. This will ensure that when they are defeated, it seems logical, possible, and not like an easy way to simply let the protagonist win.
Cut the Bumbling Henchmen
Unless you’re taking the idea in a wildly new direction, I suggest avoiding giving your antagonist bumbling henchmen. Sure their sidekicks aren’t going to be as smart or as powerful as they are, but they shouldn’t be complete and utter baffoons.
In general, somebody else’s blatant stupidity does not make for a very interesting way of defeating them.
All characters of any significance (and henchmen certainly qualify if they become an obstacle for the protagonist) should undergo enough character development to not have to fall back on being stupid in order to fail.
What About Monsters?
If monsters are sentient enough to have a tangible goal, then they should have one. If they can talk, then they definitely need to have one.
The goal could be eating the protagonist or stealing their soul or appeasing the demon fleas infested in their fur, but they need to have some reason to be evil (just like the human antagonists).
Homework: Believable Antagonist Worksheet
To get you really thinking about how to improve your antagonist, I’ve created a worksheet of questions that will challenge you to think of your antagonist in a different way. You could easily write hundreds of words for each question if you properly develop your antagonist. So sit down in a nice quiet spot and get working!
The questions:
What is your antagonist’s goal? What is he or she trying to achieve?
Why does your antagonist feel that his goal is justified?
Does he ever not feel that the goal is justified? Does he ever feel guilty or remorseful? If so, what prompts him to continue pursuing his goal?
If the antagonist could snap his fingers and make the world exactly as he wants it, what would that world be like?
If your antagonist could travel back in time and change something about his past, what would it be? (Don’t say “nothing.” That’s a cop out and you know it!)
What is your antagonist’s flaw and how will it ultimately cause him to be defeated?
What is your antagonist’s relationship like with his henchmen/sidekick/etc.?
What does your antagonist like to do for fun? (Don’t say “kill people” or “make the protagonist suffer.” Really think about the question. Everyone has non-evil things they enjoy.)
What are some positive traits of your antagonist? Is he a great listener? Did she raise happy, healthy children? Did the wolfman once save someone’s life?
If you answer these questions before editing or rewriting your novel, you will be able to spot areas that are lacking in depth and create a more complex and interesting antagonist.
Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants
Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!
I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!
What is Novel Boot Camp?
Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.
Writers love their characters. I mean, they really really love their characters! Some of them daydream about their characters throughout the day. Others hear their characters talking in their heads. And most authors say that they put at least some tiny piece of themselves in every character.
So because writers love their characters so much (and may even view them as an extension of themselves), sometimes they’re a little too nice to them.
I mean, when you love someone, you want to see them happy. You want their lives to turn out beautiful, all wrapped up with a nice tidy bow.
But this is not what novels are about. Nobody wants to read about a life sprinkled with rose petals. In order to write a great novel, you must be willing to beat the crap out of your characters. You have to give them hell. Throw them through the wringer and meet them with a sledgehammer at the other side.
You have to be ruthless.
Here’s how:
Write What You’re Afraid to Write
We’ve all had good and bad experiences that shape who we are. These experiences can cause us to shy away from certain subjects – either because they are so frighteningly foreign or so terrifyingly familiar.
These things can be big or small, serious or light. They are things so far from our plotting radar they don’t even enter our minds as we write, or they might be things we think of but dismiss. “I could never write about that!”
They could be things we’re afraid of: needles, the dark, spiders, clowns, freak accidents.
Or they could be things that just seem too harsh or unfair: the death of a loved one, abuse, divorce, infidelity, a terminal disease.
These things are scary, especially when they’re happening to our character (who, admittedly, as at least a little bit like us). Writing these scary elements or events into our novel can hit a bit too close to home. It can make us uncomfortable. But it can also make for an interesting and complex conflict.
Sometimes our plot needs something that’s hard for us to write. Consider the topics you’re consciously or subconsciously avoiding. Not only are they emotionally charged, but the terror that you feel about them can translate into tense and emotional writing.
Hurt Your Protagonist’s Heart
We’re all pretty nice people who don’t like to trample on anyone’s feelings. But this can make us really bad plotters when we want to coddle and protect our characters from broken hearts. And I don’t mean in a purely romantic sense. Broken hearts can come from all sorts of experiences and relationships.
The very best novels trample all over the hearts of their protagonists. They don’t pull any punches. They don’t wrap their protagonist in a cuddly blanket and push a mug of hot cocoa in their hands. They let the terrible things in the world rip them to shreds.
Never be afraid of breaking your protagonist’s heart. Let them taste their goals and then smash their dreams. Don’t worry, you can always build them back up later.
If you don’t let them go to those dark places, at least for a while, there’s no satisfaction for the reader.
The novel is your character’s journey. Give them a wild ride, not a pleasant trot across flat terrain.
Avoid the Impenetrable Protagonist
For those writing novels with a lot of physical challenges – natural disaster, hard labor, fighting, etc. – don’t shield your protagonist from injury. There’s nothing quite as artificial as a protagonist who runs barefoot through the woods getting chased by a murderer in the hot August sun, yet gets nary a scratch.
Do not wrap your protagonist in bubble wrap! They’re human beings, not androids. If you throw them into a pit, their legs should break. If someone punches them, they should get a black eye.
Overly protecting a protagonist is especially apparent when other characters do get injured. If your protagonist makes it out of every scuffle without so much as a bug bite while everyone else is holding their guts inside their slashed stomach’s, readers are going to call your bluff.
And besides, even if it does come off okay that your character doesn’t get injured, you’re still reducing the obstacles in their path. Make them bleed! Break their bones! Your readers will love it.
Give Your Antagonist the Advantage
In a fight between a little girl and a sumo wrestler, it’s obvious whose going to win. If the little girl is your protagonist, awesome! If she’s the antagonist, suddenly she’s super-duper lame.
To create a satisfying battle (whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional) between your protagonist and your antagonist, the antagonist must (at least) be an equal match to the protagonist. Ideally, the antagonist should be the stronger, faster, smarter, savvier of the two. Yes, he/she will have a weakness that the protagonist uses to beat them, but in all other areas, they should be equal to or superior to your protagonist.
One way of going easy on your precious characters is to put an antagonistic force in their path that is easy-peasy to defeat. No! Don’t do this! The reader should believe that defeating the antagonist is impossible. If you match your sumo wrestler protagonist with a little girl antagonist (unless she’s evil, possessed, or an android), the battle is going to feel bland, boring, and totally unsatisfying.
Make Your Antagonist Act
Sometimes we get our protagonists into sticky situations where the antagonist clearly has the advantage. For example, the protagonist is tied up, handcuffed, locked in a jail cell, cornered, or battling without a weapon.
Those writers who are being too easy on their characters will often end up with the antagonist in this scene doing nothing! He will circle around the character, say some mean things, maybe swing his weapon around a bit, but will ultimately be foiled because he fails to actually ever do anything.
Don’t let your protagonist win just because the antagonist is an idiot. This might give you an opportunity to avoid hurting your precious main character, but the reader will call you out on it. “Why didn’t the bad guy just stab him? He was right there!”
We’ll be talking about antagonists more soon (*cough* tomorrow). But I want you to get started thinking about the role of the antagonist in putting your character through the wringer.
Homework: Give Your Character Hell
The homework has been a lot more challenging this week, so I wanted to give you a tiny break with something not quite so hard.
Ask yourself the following questions:
What is the worst thing that could happen to my character emotionally? Have you delivered it? Could you edit the novel to add it in? If not, could you add a tamed down version of it in?
Are there any scenes where the character should have been injured but wasn’t? Could you add an injury? Even a minor one?
Overall, are the obstacles in your character’s path a bit too easy? Do they create a legitimate challenge and carry a reasonable amount of risk (emotionally or physically)?
Is the antagonist as strong or stronger than the main character? Do their encounters/battles legitimately challenge the protagonist?
Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants
Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!
I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!
What is Novel Boot Camp?
Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.
Yesterday we talked about the first piece of creating conflict – character motivation. Today I want to talk about the second piece – obstacles.
Obstacles are anything that gets in the way of the character’s goals. Obstacles come in all shapes and sizes. Think back to your high school English class when you learned about man vs. man, man vs. nature, man vs. self, and all that jazz. Obstacles can be anything!
The Internal Obstacle
External obstacles are much easier to get right. You throw an antagonist or a tornado or a ticking time bomb at your protagonist and he scrambles around to try to best it. Internal obstacles, on the other hand, are easy to overlook.
Every main character should have an internal obstacle — something within themselves that stands in the way of achieving what they want. This usually takes the form of an unfortunate character trait, such as being overly fearful, jealous, arrogant, selfish, etc.
This internal obstacle is (usually) not nearly as apparent in the novel as the external obstacles, but creates an extra level of depth. Consider Indiana Jones’ fear of snakes. It doesn’t hold him back in every scene, but it creates exciting and complex tension when it does.
The Beauty of Multiple Obstacles
Unlike multiple motivations, which can clutter the novel and confuse readers, multiple obstacles make for a more interesting and exciting novel. What’s more intense than two ghosts? Three ghosts! What’s more intense than a sword-wielding skeleton? A majorly huge giant right behind him!
Stacking obstacles until your character is in a situation that seems impossible to escape is an excellent way to keep readers hooked.
But it is possible for obstacles to be too big:
Watch Your Scale
In a movie, an epic battle between hordes of alligator-people can be super intense, visually striking, and so terrifying you bite your fingernails. But it doesn’t work the same way in novels.
Books aren’t visual, so the more soldiers, bad guys, or monsters you throw into the scene, the harder it is for the reader to relate to or keep track of any individual one. There is also a point where, as humans, we can no longer process the scope of an event on an emotional level because there is no intimacy. If I tell you that a thousand people were murdered, it won’t have near the impact of drawing you into a death scene for a single girl.
Obstacles in books work much the same way. A bad guy blocking each of the exits will often be a much more intense obstacle than a battlefield full of villains. Once you’ve lost the intimacy of an obstacle, tension is reduced.
If huge epic battles are an obstacle in your novel that cannot be removed, make sure to focus tightly on the main characters during the scene. Don’t rely on sweeping descriptions of the antagonists, but focus in on a few key baddies. And don’t forget to describe emotions!
Obstacles Should Increase in Severity
I talked about this a little bit during the First Page Promise lecture: you do not want to put your most intense obstacle at the beginning of the book. The obstacles your character has to face should increase in intensity and severity over time.
If they fight a twenty-foot space alien in chapter one, then a dust bunny monster in chapter thirty, the dusty bunny monster will seem so tiny and insignificant in comparison that the reader will struggle to feel any sense of tension.
A great way to increase the severity of obstacles is to increase the number of obstacles the character has to face at one time as you approach the novel’s climax.
The Best Obstacles Challenge the Character
Of course, all obstacles challenge the character, but I’m talking about the sort of obstacles that challenge the character on a personal, internal level.
Let’s say your character is deathly afraid of the dark. Use this fear against your character by placing his small child in a pitch black room with a giant monster. Suddenly your character has to face a fear in order to save his child. That’s a lot of complexity and depth for what could be a mediocre scene.
Here’s another example: Your character’s child is being held hostage. The only way to save the child is to shoot the captor, but your character doesn’t believe in murder under any circumstances.
A scene like the ones above will have the reader on the edge of their seat. What’s he going to do? How can he overcome this obstacle despite being scared or against murder? You can practically feel the terror in the character’s heart.
Obstacles that feed off of your character’s darkest issues will be the most captivating.
An Obstacle Should Exist in Every Scene
Just like with character motivation, an obstacle should be present in every scene. Without an obstacle, there is no conflict, and without a conflict, there is no reason for the reader to keep reading.
Note that obstacles do not have to be huge in every scene. They don’t even have to be huge in the novel as a whole. They just need to oppose what the character wants (his motivation), and they need to increase in intensity over time.
The most riveting novels will introduce a new obstacle before or immediately following the elimination of the previous obstacle. You do not want your character wandering around with no obstacles for long periods of time. This can cause the novel to stagnate.
Obstacles are Only Obstacles if the Character Cares
An obstacle must get in the way of a character’s goals. If it doesn’t work against their motivation, or if the character really doesn’t care all that much about it, then it is not a true obstacle.
Obstacles can’t be created by having a character temporarily care about something they ordinarily wouldn’t care about (this goes back to character motivation and how the plot should not dictate it).
If the character has never had an issue with their mother bossing them around and then suddenly (with no explanation/change) views their mother as an obstacle in the way of their independence, their mother will not come across as a legitimate obstacle. The reader will ask, “Who cares? It was never an issue any of the other times!”
For something that was not an obstacle to suddenly become an obstacle, something must first change in the character internally (such as a decision to no longer tolerate their mother’s bossiness).
If you’re struggling to come up with obstacles that truly stand in your character’s way, ask yourself: what is the worst thing that could happen to this character? Chances are you will initially come up with things that are too extreme, but scale it back further and further until you’ve got an obstacle of a reasonable size for the point in the story you’re working on.
Homework: Improving Your Novel’s Obstacles
This is another big homework assignment that might be too extensive for most participants to accomplish over the course of boot camp. Just get started and do as much as you can.
Go through each scene (not chapter) of your novel, and ask yourself the following:
Does this scene have an obstacle? If not, you must choose whether to add one in or delete the scene. (Remember that scenes should only be kept if they advance the plot.)
Could this obstacle be made more intense? If your character is thirsty, why not also make it hot outside? Oh, and they’re also running. And a lion is chasing them! And they’re wearing a parka!
Could this obstacle create conflicting feelings in the character by preying off of their darkest issues? Note, you do not want this to be present in every scene or it could grow tedious. Putting something like this around the climax is a great idea (it facilitates the character arc, which we’ll talk about later).
Is the obstacle truly an obstacle? Does the character actually oppose it in some way? If the obstacle gets in the way of an intangible character motivation (independence, acceptance, being loved), was this motivation clearly articulated earlier in the novel?
Now consider your novel as a whole (an outline would be helpful for this but isn’t required):
Do the obstacles get more intense over time? If not, you’ve likely got some restructuring to do.
Is the obstacle at the climax the most intense of the entire novel? If not, consider making the obstacle personally challenging for your character to add extra oomph to the scene.
Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants
Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!
I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!
What is Novel Boot Camp?
Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.
First Page Friday will be on hiatus from July 4th through August 1st for Novel Boot Camp. Weekly workshops and daily lectures will be held during the month instead. Please come by and participate! Connect with other Novel Boot Camp participants:
Need a Critique Partner or Writing Friend? It’s not too late to join the meet and greet!
About First Page Friday
First Page Friday is a blog series where I provide a free edit and critique of the first 500 words of an unpublished novel. Read the excerpt without my notes first and leave your vote in the poll. Afterward, feel free to leave a comment for the author. Feedback is always helpful!
MG Horror/Adventure – Ryan
Erik admired the way his brother could smile through his bloodied face. Ozzie received a beating with all the regularity of a clock striking twelve, but this time it actually came at midnight. Ozzie crushed stalks of wheat as he fell, but he jumped up and struck back with his ten-year-old arms. He was no match for Jonas though. With four more years of hard farming labor over Ozzie, Jonas’s arms were twice the size and impacted his body like an axe to a tree. With a fist driven to his gut, Ozzie dropped to the ground again, struggling to breathe.
The skin on Erik’s face grew hot, but he just watched. He dug his hand in his pocket, found his rock and squeezed. There’s no use intervening; Jonas would just brutalize him like he did Ozzie. Nothing would be put to right. The rock pained his hand as his grasp constricted. There was a clamp on his stomach every time his brother got beat, but even if he did get the better of Jonas, there’d be hell to pay at home. Besides, Jonas was going to get his just desserts later anyway. Erik smirked and released the rock in his pocket.
“Are you idiots going to get back to work? Uncle Bauer won’t be happy if the harvest isn’t done before the storms come.” Erik said.
“Mind yer own business! Just had to finish teaching your brain-dead brother the same lesson as always.” Jonas strutted away giving his wrist a quick flick. “See you rats tomorrow. I gotta date with Lara.”
“A pretty girl like that…” Ozzie stammered between breaths, “ain’t gonna go for a moron like you.” But Jonas was already gone.
Erik approached his brother and shook his head when he saw Ozzie’s smile, like pearls in a stream of blood. “What’s wrong with you? Fighting him ain’t going to do no good.” He pulled Ozzie up. “You gotta stop getting him angry.”
Ozzie brushed his pants. “I didn’t even do anything; he just wants to be a tough guy. Someone’s gotta do something about it sometime.”
Erik patted down Ozzie’s shoulders brushing off dirt and broken stalks. “Don’t worry about that, he’s in for quite a surprise when he gets to Krause’s barn.”
Ozzie wiped his bloody mouth with the back of his arm. “Why’s that?”
Erik laughed. “You wanna get back at Jonas? You gotta know his weak spot; Lara. I once heard him singing about her hair smelling like dandelions! It’s pathetic. You know Elsa, right? I got her to write a letter pretending to be Lara. It says she’s always had a secret love for him and that he should go over to her family’s barn tonight because she’s got a special present for him.”
Reader Participation – What Do You Think?
Before reading my take on this novel opening, please take a moment to record your thoughts in the poll below.
Your thoughtful critiques and suggestions for the writer are also welcome in the comments section. Explaining your vote gives the author even more insight into where they’re hitting the mark and where they can improve.
My Feedback
Critique Key
Original Text is in italics. (Author is already using italics, so my comments are going to be underlined this week)
Red is text I recommend removing.
Green is text I recommend adding.
Blue is my comments.
Orange is highlighting.
MG Horror/Adventure – Ryan
Erik admired the way his brother could smile through his bloodied face. Ozzie received a beating with all the regularity of a clock striking twelve, but this time it actually came at midnight. < I really like this line. Ozzie crushed stalks of wheat as he fell, but he jumped up and struck back with his ten-year-old arms. < His arms are ten years old? What about the rest of him? I’m just teasing. But I suggest you find another way to introduce his age. Also if Erik admires Ozzie, the assumption is going to be that Ozzie is older. If that’s the case, then Erik is probably too young to appeal to most MG readers. He was no match for Jonas though. With four more years of hard farming labor over Ozzie, Jonas’s arms were twice the size and impacted his body like an axe to a tree. With a fist driven to his gut, Ozzie dropped to the ground again, struggling to breathe.
Is this story about Erik or Ozzie? You open with Erik, which indicates to readers that he is the main character, but then the rest of the paragraph focuses on Ozzie. We even get details about Ozzie, like his age and the fact that he always gets beaten up. We don’t know anything about Erik.
The skin on Erik’s face grew hot, but he just watched.< Here you’re telling me that your character is inactive. If he’s the MC, this is a problem. He needs to be participating.He dug his hand in his pocket, found his rock and squeezed. There’swas no use intervening; Jonas would just brutalize him like he did Ozzie. Nothing would be put to right. The rock pained his hand as his grasp constricted. There was a clamp on his stomach every time his brother got beat, but even if he did get the better of Jonas, there’d be hell to pay at home. Besides, Jonas was going to get his just desserts later anyway. Erik smirked and released the rock in his pocket.
“Are you idiots going to get back to work? Uncle Bauer won’t be happy if the harvest isn’t done before the storms come.” Erik said. < They’re harvesting in the middle of the night? Why?
“Mind yer own business! Just had to finish teaching your brain-dead brother the same lesson as always.” <What lesson is he teaching him? As a reader, I expected the scene to focus on the fight and why it occurred. The fight not being addressed feels like a let down. Jonas strutted away giving his wrist a quick flick. “See you rats tomorrow. I gotta date with Lara.”
“A pretty girl like that…” Ozzie stammered between breaths, “ain’t gonna go for a moron like you.” But Jonas was already gone.
Erik approached his brother and shook his head when he saw Ozzie’s smile, his teethlike pearls in a stream of blood. “What’s wrong with you? Fighting him ain’t going to do no good.” He pulled Ozzie up. “You gotta stop getting him angry.” < I’m not sure what personality traits Erik has. Is he bossy towards his brother or caring? Is he afraid to intervene or not?
Ozzie brushed his pants. “I didn’t even do anything; he just wants to be a tough guy. Someone’s gotta do something about it sometime.”
Erik patted down Ozzie’s shoulders brushing off dirt and broken stalks. “Don’t worry about that, he’s in for quite a surprise when he gets to Krause’s barn.”
Ozzie wiped his bloody mouth with the back of his arm. “Why’s that?” < The blood makes this seem like upper middle grade (ages 10-12) but Ozzie’s age (10) makes it seem like lower middle grade. Remember that middle graders read about kids older than they are, not the same age or younger.
Erik laughed. “You wanna get back at Jonas? You gotta know his weak spot; Lara. I once heard him singing about her hair smelling like dandelions! It’s pathetic. You know Elsa, right? I got her to write a letter pretending to be Lara. It says she’s always had a secret love for him and that he should go over to her family’s barn tonight because she’s got a special present for him.” < I feel like I’m coming into the story a bit late. This seems like a solution that the reader should have been able to learn about as it was being conceived.
My Overall Thoughts
From this opening, I’m getting the impression that Erik is a fairly weak character – both in the sense that he is inactive and in the sense that his personality is not fully conceived/conveyed. I’m also not sure when this is set. The harvest makes me wonder if this is historical but it’s certainly not clear.
Key Places to Improve:
Clarify who the main character is. If it’s Erik, why open with a conflict involving his brother and another boy? This is our first impression of Erik and he’s standing on the sidelines. His lack of involvement makes him seem like an observer, which is not a good trait for a protagonist.
If Erik is afraid to intervene, why does he have no problem calling them “idiots”? The emphasis on the rock and his inaction seemed to indicate that a fear of fighting is a character trait for him, so the name calling and his plan to trick Jonas contradicts that. Give the reader at least one concrete character trait to latch onto.
The setting of the scene is confusing. Why are they harvesting wheat at midnight? Why are kids harvesting wheat at all? Is this historical?
The Writeditor’s Grade (out of 5): 2.5
I’m not sure that you’re starting in the right place or getting the best details into this opening, but the writing was pretty smooth with a few lines that stood out (standing out is good!). Make sure that you keep your voice apparent because I do see a risk of slipping into a bland voicelessness.
But of course, since you’re participating in Novel Boot Camp, we’re going to get your novel polished to a shine!
A note on the grading scale: The rating of the first chapter does not indicate the rating of the novel as a whole nor does it indicate the writer’s overall ability.
Submit to First Page Friday – (currently OPEN to submissions)
***Please read this entire section before submitting***
Due to the amount of time it takes to respond to each email and due to the volume of submissions received (I booked 4 months in about 2 weeks), I am changing the submission and selection process for First Page Friday for my own sanity as well as to increase the quality of the series.
Submissions will no longer be accepted on a first come, first serve basis, and I will no longer be scheduling posts in advance. I will review submissions once a week and choose a first page that I feel provides the best learning opportunity for readers. This means that as much as I would love to respond to every submission, you probably won’t hear from me if I don’t select your first page. It also means that I may select your first page months after you submit it (you are responsible for updating or pulling your submission as needed).
To Submit, send the following information to ellenbrock@keytopservices.com or if you have trouble with that email address (as has been the case for some of you lately), send it to editorbrock@gmail.com:
The name you want used on your post (real name, pseudonym, or anonymous)
The first 500 words (Don’t stop in the middle of a sentence, but don’t add sentences above and beyond 500 words)
Any links you want included with the post (website, Amazon, GoodReads, Twitter, etc.)
Title your submission email: SUBMISSION: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]
If you don’t tell me your genre, I cannot choose you for First Page Friday so please include it!
If you need to update or revoke your submission, title your email: UPDATE: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]
If you are also interested in my editing or mentoring services, please send a separate email from your First Page Friday submission so that I can address it promptly. I will only open as many submission as it takes for me to select a first page, so I probably won’t get to your email for several weeks.
I will not remove First Page Friday critiques after they are posted, so please do not submit if you are not okay with your work being publicly critiqued on my blog.
I ask that you please comment, vote, and share First Page Friday posts from other authors. It’s courteous to both give and receive help. Thank you!
***A few people have emailed asking if they can have a private first page critique. I am more than happy to do that, but due to being completely booked (I’m working 10-11 hour days!), I have to charge $25 for private, offline first page critiques. Thanks for understanding!***
About the Editor
Ellen Brock is a freelance novel editor who works with self-publishing and traditionally publishing authors as well as e-publishers and small presses. When not editing, she enjoys reading, writing, and geocaching. Check out her freelance novel editing services and mentoring.
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Novel Boot Camp is only a week away! Before we all get absorbed in the excitement and chaos, let’s make some writing friends and snag some critique partners!
**Note: This meetup does not end at any specific time. Feel free to post here throughout Novel Boot Camp!**
Writing Friend: Someone to chat with about writing and publishing. Someone to give you a nudge (or a shove) when you fall behind on your goals. Someone to laugh and cry with you about your writing ups and downs.
Critique Partner: Someone to exchange full or partial manuscripts with in order to offer critiques of each other’s work. Must be polite, courteous, constructive, but also honest.
There are two ways to connect:
Twitter Meetup
Tweet your request for writing friends or critique partners to Twitter and tag it with: #NovelBootCamp
Sample Tweet: Looking for a critique partner. A YA writer would be great! Writing friends always welcome! I need a good shove during #NovelBootCamp!
Blog Comment Meetup
Post your request for writing friends or critique partners in the comments section below. Remember to provide some way for other writers to contact you (Twitter handle, email address, Facebook link, etc.).
Sample Blog Comment: I’m not ready for a critique partner just yet, but writing friends would be awesome! I like to read fantasy and suspense. My goal is to get an agent by next summer. I love knitting, dancing, and reading! Please contact me at [email address] or [Twitter handle].
In your request for a critique partner or writing friend, you may want to include:
Whether you’re looking for a writing friend, critique partner, or both.
Whether you need a gentle hand or some tough nudges to get you going!
What genres you’re interested in reading/writing/critiquing.
How long you’ve been writing.
Some non-writing things about you, such as what you do for fun.
A Few Rules
The meetup has no official end time. Feel free to post even after the excitement has died down.
You do not have to participate in Novel Boot Camp to participate in this meetup.
Do not be rude, attacking, or insulting in your posts. Keep it clean. I will delete you if I feel it will strengthen the experience for other writers.
Do not post advertisements for your products (books, ebooks) or services (editing, proofreading, cover design, etc.). NO spam! This includes “veiled” spam, such as conveniently mentioning your products/services.
Do not post looking for a critique partner if you do not intend to reciprocate with your own critique.
Have fun!
Make Friends with Me!
I don’t have time for critique partners (way too much editing to get done!), but I love making writing friends! The best place to connect with me is on Twitter where I post writing tips, editing advice, and updates about my videos, blog posts, workshops, etc. I also answer writing and editing questions when I can.
When not editing (which is almost never), I love geocaching, watching movies, reading, and eating tacos.
Please share this post so that everyone has the opportunity to make new friends and find critique partners!
Ellen Brock 