Tag: editor

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #15: The Climax

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The climax! It’s exciting! It’s suspenseful! It’s time to learn all about it!

For the readers, the climax will be the most important moment in the novel. It leaves a lasting impression (good or bad) of your novel and of your writing. So a stinky climax can be bad news, not just for this one book, but for your whole career.

No pressure or anything…

So what makes for a great climax? It’s pretty simple:

The Climax Must End the Conflict in a Satisfying Way

This is the backbone of what makes a climax rise to the occasion of fall flat. The climax is the moment the reader has been waiting for! It must prove to the reader that this book was worth the time and energy they invested in it.

A bad climax feels like a major ripoff (“Why did I waste my time on this book?”). Readers may feel like you strung them along for hundreds of pages just to give up and drop the ball in the end.

What you’re looking for is a climax that has readers on the edge of their seats, frantically turning pages, unable to wait to discover how everything unfolds. This is the satisfaction the reader has waited for from page one.

There are a lot of things that go into a satisfying climax, so let’s break it down into smaller parts:

The Obstacle Must be Big

There is no satisfaction in a climax with a teeny tiny obstacle that takes little effort for the protagonist to knock aside. The climax needs to involve an obstacle that is so big that the reader isn’t even quite sure that it’s possible for the protagonist to win.

It’s not enough to put your character at the edge of a cliff if all they have to do is take a couple steps towards solid ground. You’ve got to throw sticks at them, and spears, and stones, and their girlfriend.

It Can’t be Contrived

There’s no faster way to kill the excitement of a climax than by coming up with a contrived way for the character to win. The character needs to succeed (or fail) on account of their own merit. An example of a contrived climax is when another character suddenly decides (for no apparent reason) to tell the protagonist something that allows her to defeat the antagonist, such as his location, weakness, etc. Why did this character just now suddenly decide to be helpful?

One of the worst contrived climaxes is when the villain suddenly decides not to be evil anymore. Well isn’t that convenient? Even if there is some foreshadowing to the villain’s decision and the protagonist was integral to the villain’s change of heart, it is very unlikely that this won’t seem incredibly contrived.

The key to avoiding a contrived climax is to only allow conditions to improve for the protagonist when he or she personally earns it.

The Protagonist Must Defeat the Antagonistic Force

The protagonist is the hero of your story, so don’t let someone else swoop in and take the glory of the climax. The main character must be the one who ultimately defeats the antagonistic force. Any assistance from secondary characters shouldn’t extend much beyond backup. This is the time for the protagonist to shine, to show the reader what she’s made of! Never take that moment away and hand it to someone else.

If you’re writing YA or MG, beware mommy, daddy, the neighbor, or teacher showing up to save the day. This is the kid’s fight, let him end it.

The Conclusion Must Feel Final

The climax of your novel needs to feel final to the reader. The bad guy should either win or lose. The character either gets what she wants or fails to achieve her goals. There is not a lot of wiggle room here. If the climactic showdown doesn’t feel final, then the novel isn’t going to feel satisfying.

Note that if you are writing a series, there will be loose ends that haven’t been tied up and of course it may turn out that the conflict isn’t over at all come book two, but the main conflict of the book should be clearly resolved.

The Solution Should be an Obvious Surprise

“An obvious surprise? You’re not making any sense!” Yes, you heard me correctly, the climax should contain an obvious surprise, something that the reader never saw coming but that seems so super obvious once it happens.

Why do you want this obvious surprise? Because if the climax is too predictable, it’s boring, but if it comes out of left field, it will feel contrived. What you need to strike is a balance in between – an obvious surprise.

This requires that you use foreshadowing, sprinkling some easy to overlook clues throughout the novel. Reading the climax should seem like an “oh duh!” moment for the reader, where they feel like they should have predicted the outcome  and yet didn’t.

The Character Arc Must End

During or immediately following the climax of the novel, the character arc should come to its end. Often this is because the hero’s “climactic act” requires him to do something that was previously difficult for him or against his character.

The climax may also cause the character to have a realization about how he could or should have acted differently.

The Climax Must Fulfill the Promise

Not just the first page’s promise, but the entire promise of the novel needs to be fulfilled in the climax. If your novel is about a horde of angry ghosts, then the final showdown sure better feature an epic fight with the giant horde! If it instead focuses on saving the protagonist’s child from a kidnapper, readers will feel majorly let down.

The climax should deliver to the reader what they have been waiting two or three or four hundred pages to get to. Anything less will fall short.

To think of it slightly differently: everything in the novel has led to this point. Everything. If that’s not the sense the reader gets while reading the climax, then you haven’t done your job.

Homework: Crafting (or re-crafting) Your Climax

Spend some time assessing the climax of your novel, ask yourself:

  • Does the climax fulfill the novel’s promise?
  • Does it logically build from the rest of the novel or does it feel unrelated or episodic?
  • Does the character arc end during the climax? Does the protagonist’s growth solidify?
  • Is the obstacle faced during the climax bigger than all the other obstacles in the novel?
  • Is defeating the obstacle sufficiently difficult? Does it seem nearly impossible for the protagonist to succeed?
  • Does the protagonist win (or lose) on his own merit or does something contrived happen that allows the protagonist to win?
  • Is the protagonist the one who defeats the antagonistic force (not side or secondary characters)?
  • Does the climax feel final? Does it make the story feel complete?

Note that in order to have a satisfying climax, you may need to rewrite earlier portions of the novel. Don’t shy away from these major changes. In the end, a spectacular climax will be more than worth the effort to get there.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

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I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #13: Handling Romance

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Full disclosure: I am not much of a romance lover. In fact, I rarely enjoy romance even as a side plot. This is mostly because it is typically done in a way that is so shallow, predictable, and annoying that I want to throw the book (or throw up). That said, I have edited a few romances over the years that I truly enjoyed because they had fantastically lovable characters and conflicts that were different and unique.

So here is my best advice on writing a romance that even I (and my fellow non-romance-lovers) will enjoy.

Don’t be Disgusting

No, not that kind of disgusting… I’m talking about the really disgusting part of romance – the mushy-gushy lovey-dovey, OMG I love you sooooooo much kind of disgusting.

You don’t want your readers’ eyes to roll back in their heads with exasperation, nor do you want them gagging into their e-readers. So use the mushy stuff sparingly. Here are some tips:

  • Show don’t tell (“Wow, everything comes back to that with you, doesn’t it?”). Rather than constantly telling the reader that they love, love, love each other, show it instead. Use actions, gestures, complex thoughts, and dialogue to convey their love. A great romance doesn’t even need to say the word “love” to be utterly and completely satisfying.
  • If you do use the L-word, don’t do it in every single gosh darn scene. Let it mean something. Use it sparingly.
  • Sparingly is a good guide to all elements of a romance. Unless you’re writing erotica, go easy on the smooching, sexing, ogling, and the compliments. We don’t need to hear how steamy hot the protagonist is in every single scene.
  • Avoid scenes that revolve around characters staring into each other’s eyes and endlessly professing their undying love. This seems weird to me, and also boring.

Don’t be Creepy

There are certain expressions of “love” that can be downright creepy. Some of these are used in published novels with varying degrees of success, but most should be avoided.

Here are some notable creep factors:

  • One or both characters are finally “complete” now that they’ve found the other person. The implication being that they needed a partner in order to become a real person.
  • Similarly: one character (usually the female) has no personality, goals, or interests until she meets the man, then suddenly the man brings meaning to her life. I’m not saying they can’t help each other grow, but they shouldn’t be empty shells before meeting.
  • The man (though it could be a woman) acts aggressively – grabbing or restraining the woman to prevent her from leaving because he just has to have a conversation with her about their relationship. This isn’t passion, it’s abuse, and it’s creepy.
  • One of the partners shows their love by being crazy jealous, perhaps even going as far as to attack another person or their property for expressing interest in their partner.
  • One or both characters are incapable of going any period of time without their partner. Missing each other is normal, but if life isn’t worth living because her bf went out to play golf, things start getting creepy.
  • The man is a total womanizer until he meets the female lead and then wham-bam he’s a gentle, amazing guy. “Yeah, but what about the whole womanizing thing?” said me, unable to forgive and forget.

Avoid Misunderstandings as Prolonged Conflict

A common issue with many romance plots and subplots is the primary conflict being based on a misunderstanding. This is a problem because it’s been done a million times and because it’s unrealistic.

The woman accidentally walks in on her man with his arms wrapped around another woman, but it’s not like that, she just tumbled into his arms while he was buying his love interest a wedding ring.

This is not a conflict that can be sustained for very long. In real life, normal people would just have a conversation immediately and then move on with their lives. Refusing to communicate over a misunderstanding can be maddeningly annoying to readers.

Weight the Romance According to its Plot Value

How much weight you give the romance should be balanced with its value to the plot. If the novel is primarily about the romance, then obviously there needs to be a lot of it! But if romance is a subplot, it can be helpful (and ideal) to consider how much it is enhancing the main plot and how much value it’s adding to your story.

There is no sense in lingering on a romance in every scene of your novel if it doesn’t tie in with or improve upon the main plot. If the romance doesn’t offer a stepping stone in the character arc or create interesting and complex conflicts that get in the way of the main plot, it probably shouldn’t have much “screen time” in the novel.

Take the genre into consideration as well. You do not want your horror novel turning into a paranormal romance. If the romance starts to push out the genre elements, you’ve gone too far.

What Makes a Romance Work

Now that I’ve told you all the things not to do, let’s talk about some of the things to do:

  • Show don’t tell (“Wait, didn’t she already say that…?”). I cannot emphasize this enough. You can tell readers all day long that your characters are in love, but if you don’t show it, it’s just a bunch of empty words. Readers need to feel that the characters are in love based on the way they interact.
  • The reader needs to perceive value in both characters. They need to have personality traits that are interesting and positive. Traits that offer something to their love interest. Traits that are likeable, loveable, or endearing.
  • But the characters also need to be flawed. Like big time. They need to have traits that the love interest identifies as negative. Nobody wants to read about two people who are totally amazing and perfect and love everything about each other. Have them accept each other despite their flaws and you will create something much more endearing.
  • Avoid insta-love. This is when characters become madly in love with each other all of a sudden out of nowhere. This sucks at the beginning of the book and it sucks just as much at the end. Romance should have a build up that should be clear but relatively slow.
  • Go for meaningful tiny gestures over big superficial ones. Juno filling Bleeker’s mailbox with Tic Tacs is a whole lot cuter and more meaningful than a fancy man in a suit taking a woman out to a candlelit dinner with a ring in the champagne glass. Characters that demonstrate that they know each other for real, deep down, in a special way are far more likely to be perceived as genuinely in love.
  • Develop love at moments that feel natural. Don’t try to stuff romance into scenes where it makes no sense, such as stopping in the middle of a burning building for a love-professing monologue. This reduces the tension of the burning building and also pulls the reader in too many directions to fully appreciate the romantic moment.
  • Differences don’t have to be about growth. Some of the best romances are those between mismatched couples where one is super crazy and eccentric and the other is rigid and orderly, or where one is super cowardly and the other is super brave and gets them into all sorts of trouble. These differences don’t need to result in changing the personality of the other partner. Sometimes relationships work because they balance each other. And that can be a beautiful thing.
  • Love your characters. If you don’t love them, they won’t love each other. Not really. If you don’t feel your characters’ souls as if they’re real, they can’t truly fall in love, and the reader can’t truly fall in love with their love. It just can’t happen.

Homework: Strengthening Your Romance

Whether your novel is a straight up romance or has the teeniest of romantic subplots, here are some questions to strengthen it:

  • If you took out all of the telling (whether it be narration or character thoughts) and all of the sexy/smoochy stuff, would the reader still be able to tell that the characters are in love? Do they demonstrate love without it having to be said? Do they have a clear connection?
  • Are both characters full and complete human beings before they meet each other? Do they each have value without being in a relationship? Do they each offer traits of value to each other?
  • Are both characters flawed? Both physically and emotionally/psychologically/mentally?
  • Does the relationship develop over time rather than the characters falling in insta-love?
  • Be honest: is a misunderstanding the backbone of most of their conflicts or do they have legitimate, realistic issues?
  • Is the romance weighted in the novel in accordance to its value to the plot?

These questions should get you moving on assessing and improving the quality of your romantic subplot.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

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I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Workshop #4: Ask the Editor

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Week four of Novel Boot Camp is upon us! It’s going faster than I ever expected. It’s been a whirlwind, but it’s been great fun. And of course, it has sparked a lot of questions from all of you wonderful participants.

So this week I want to give everyone the opportunity to ask me your most burning questions! Since there’s no way I can answer a couple hundred questions this week, I am not going to be responding in this workshop. Instead, I will be compiling the questions that I feel will best serve the Novel Boot Camp community, and I will post the answers to these questions in a future blog post.

When will the post go live? This depends a bit on how many questions are asked, the types of questions asked, and how easy it is to pick the best ones to answer. I may use the questions to write full lectures or I may compile them into several blog posts to go up after Boot Camp.

The Rules

Please follow these rules when posting your questions:

  • Each writer may post up to two original questions.
  • You may request a lecture or blog post addressing an issue or aspect of writing or editing if you prefer.
  • If you see that someone has already posted your question, please reply to their comment with “me too,” “ditto,” or an explanation of why you too are interested in the answer. Please try your best not to start a new comment thread for a question that has already been asked.
  • Please do not answer the questions in the comments. This will prevent things from getting cluttered and will also protect writers from getting potentially inaccurate advice.
  • Questions may be directly related to your book, but please do not post any excerpts.
  • Questions may be general in nature and not directly related to your novel.
  • Please keep questions related to writing, editing, or publishing.
  • All questions should be posted in the comments below.
  • Please post your questions before July 27th.

Unless there is a crazy huge amount of questions, I would like to answer all of them eventually. This will most likely not be possible during Novel Boot Camp, so be sure to follow the blog in case I answer your question after camp is over.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

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I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #12: Writing a Series

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Writing a series or trilogy of novels is all the rage right now. The dream of publishing a novel, for many writers, has turned into the dream of a successful series of novels with a mega-blockbuster movie deal. Writing a book series is very appealing to aspiring writers. But what makes a series successful?

It’s a lot more than simply writing a bunch of books about the same characters. Writing a great book series is like writing a great novel except three times bigger (for a trilogy) or four, five, ten, twenty times bigger (for a series), because not only does each novel have an arc, but so does the series as a whole.

If you’re writing or considering writing a novel trilogy or series, here are some things to keep in mind:

Plan Ahead

If I could only give you one single piece of advice, this would be it: plan ahead! The more plotting, outlining, and time-lining you do, the better your series will turn out. This prep work will save you from major headaches down the line. It will also enable you to provide details about the rest of the series to a prospective publisher, who’s going to want to know what the series has in store.

Create a Time Line

There is nothing worse than realizing halfway through book two that your super-amazing, carefully crafted plot doesn’t make sense because Pirate Pierre is supposed to take over the world two years before he was born. Time line issues can create major nightmares for a series writer, but can be easily avoided by maintaining a time line of your story. Creating one early will help you plan an error-free series.

Viewing your world’s history and your characters’ histories in a time line may also spark new ideas and interesting connections.

Create a Series Bible

Every time you introduce a concept, rule, or description, put it in a series bible (a big ol’ document full of information about your series). Then refer to this bible often as you write the books to ensure that you are following your own rules and maintaining consistency.

Some things you may want to include in your series bible:

  • Character profiles, including their arc across each book and the entire series.
  • Family trees or other charts of how characters are connected.
  • Maps of locations or detailed written descriptions of the layout of the land.
  • Any rules or laws established in the series.
  • An explanation of how abilities or powers work and a list of their limitations.

Introducing Concepts that Become Relevant Later

Possibly the most challenging aspect of writing a series is introducing concepts that become relevant in later books. While not an absolute requirement, establishing concepts in early books can help create a consistant and “real” feel to the series.

Whenever you’re introducing a concept/character/ability/location/etc that will become relevant later, the key is to also make it relevant now, in book one. That doesn’t mean it needs to be central to the plot or even relevant to a major conflict, but it needs to feel like it’s being included for a purpose and/or its inclusion needs to be invisible to the reader.

If a minor character’s stinginess becomes the major conflict of book three, perhaps their stinginess causes a minor conflict in book one and a slightly larger one in book two. This way you establish their stinginess in a way that is relevant to the first two books rather than throwing it in as an extraneous detail.

“Hiding” the introductory of information is also an option. For example, you can use flippant comments from characters, jokes, warnings, etc. to introduce an idea in an unobtrusive way.

Consistency

Keep in mind as you write or revise the first book in your series that anything you set up in the first book (no matter how insignificant) must be carried through the rest of the series. This is where planning the full series in advance can save you a lot of headache. If a law is mentioned in passing in book one, you are locked into following it, even if it prevents you from exploring a really cool plot line for book two.

Even if all you want to do is just make a teeny-tiny alteration to the character’s magical powers, readers will call your bluff. Your series will no longer feel realistic. Inconsistency shatters the illusion of the story.

Keep Loose Ends Strategic

It can be tempting to leave a variety of loose ends in the first novel in the series so that when writing subsequent books you can pick up whichever loose end seems most interesting or exciting. But a ton of loose ends can make a novel feel unfocused and cluttered. Plus leaving unanswered questions isn’t satisfying for readers.

If you leave a loose end, it needs to get tied up at some point in the series. So don’t leave a bunch of stuff dangling if you don’t intend to address it later.

Each Book Stands Alone

It is never okay to end a novel without a resolution. The first (or second or tenth) novel in a series is no exception. Every novel must stand alone on its own two feet with its own central conflict that gets resolved over the course of the novel.

Yes, there may be a bigger picture conflict that has not been resolved or you might imply a new conflict to tempt the reader to read the second book, but overall, the book should have some serious stand-alone appeal.

The most important thing to ask is: Does this book have value outside the context of a series? Would it sell if there were no sequels?

If you answer no, you’ve got some major reworking to do.

The Character Arc

Writing a character arc throughout a series of novels can be a challenge for some writers. While a character arc needs to be present in every novel, it does not necessarily need to be a different arc for every story. The character can have one arc that is broken into several stages.

For example, say you have a character who grows from being a spoiled rich girl to a worldly and generous heroine across the course of a series. Her character arc in book one may simply be accepting the fact that members of her society are impoverished. Perhaps she struggles to accept this because she was told it isn’t true. Maybe she blames the impoverished people for their plight for most of the novel, but her eyes are opened by the end.

In the second book in the series, perhaps she learns to accept life among the impoverished people, while in book three she learns to be willing to fight for them. The character arc can be broken into smaller chunks (or arcs) just like the plot of the series can be broken into smaller plot chunks (arcs) for each book.

The character arc can also be caused by the previous novel in the series. If a character makes a decision that results in the death of a friend, she may spend all of book two learning to accept herself and let go of the guilt.

Consider the “Connecting” Factor

What is the concept or element that will connect the books in the series? Is it the character’s ability? The world? A villain?

Whatever element of the series is the connecting factor, that element needs to be extremely strong. This is your series’ “hook.” Without one, there isn’t much reason for a series.

The thing is, publishers don’t want writers to create series just for the hell of it. There needs to be something that makes the series cohesive. It should not feel tangentially related, nor should it feel like an average character is followed through a series of unrelated obstacles across the series. There needs to be something exciting and consistent for the reader to latch onto.

Identifying and strengthening the appeal of this connecting factor can help you sell the idea to agents, publishers, or readers.

Avoid Being Stingy with Ideas

One common obstacle with writing a series is the temptation to “save” ideas for later books. You think up a cool concept but then hesitate to add it to book one. Wouldn’t it spice up book three a little more? you think.

The problem with saving ideas for later is that there won’t necessarily be a later. Even if the first book gets published, there is no guarantee any sequels will ever hit the shelves. If you’re stingy with your ideas, you’ll end up with a half-baked novel sitting on your hard drive rather than a fantastic standalone novel on book shelves.

Don’t Write a Series Because it’s Popular

A lot of big books recently have been a part of a series, and I think this has led a lot of writers to get dollar signs in their eyes when they think about landing a huge-o gigantic multi-book deal. But don’t just jump on the series bandwagon because you want to be more marketable.

In truth, many publishers are actively seeking out standalone novels because of the insurgence of writers selling series. There is a great market for both standalone and series novels. So don’t try to iron your plot as flat as a pancake to spread it over a trilogy. If a series develops, that’s great. If it doesn’t, that’s equally as great.

Homework: To Series or Not to Series

If you’re writing a series, consider whether your story is truly big enough to fill multiple books. Will each of these books have a full plot arc that would be satisfying outside the context of a series? Have you done a significant amount of prep work on your series? If not, spend some time today organizing your time line, outline, and series bible.

If you’re not writing a series, consider if the story you’re telling has series potential or is getting too big for its one-book britches. A good sign is a word count creeping up over 100,000.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

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I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #8: Writing Believable Antagonists

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Antagonists are great! They’re evil, quirky, strange people who do things that we normal people would never dream of doing. Unfortunately, antagonists are often not given enough character development to truly be able to shine.

So today we’re going to talk about how to improve your antagonist and the role he or she plays in your novel. I know that I’ve touched on the antagonist a few times already, but I wanted to give this important character the space he deserves in this course.

Note that not all novels have a human (or sentient) antagonist. If your book doesn’t have one, don’t fret! It’s not a requirement. Though most books have at least some human element to their antagonistic force, so you may still pick up some helpful hints.

Avoid Bad for Bad’s Sake

The most common mistake when writing an antagonist is creating a character who is bad just for the sake of being bad. He loves to rub his hands together and laugh maniacally and think about drowning puppies and stealing candy from babies.

This type of person does not exist in reality. Even serial killers, rapists, and mass murderers are rarely (if ever) described as all-around bad people.  Even most crappy horror movies give the antagonist at least some sort of motivation.

People are bad for a reason. They have a motivation to do the evil things they do, which leads us to:

Antagonists Must Have Tangible Goals

The antagonist, just like the protagonist, has something that he or she wants to achieve. They have a goal. This goal needs to be tangible, identifiable. If the reader doesn’t know what the goal is right away, they at least need to get the impression that there is one.

The goal also needs to make sense!

Taking over the world and murdering everyone is a mostly illogical goal. What would someone do with a world full of dead people? Yet taking over the world could be turned into a realistic goal if it would allow the antagonist to solve some personal issue, such as needing the government’s secret technology in order to build a time machine to go back in time to save his sister.

Yes, even antagonists need to have a goal that is personal. Achieving their goal must relieve some source of pain or hardship in their lives. Without that, their goals will seem laughable.

Note that their source of pain or hardship could be entirely based on their own perception. It doesn’t have to make sense to normal people. However I would avoid using “insanity” as a cop out for the antagonist’s behavior.

Antagonists Believe They Are Right

Just like the protagonist believes they are right, the antagonist believes that they are right too. This is a very important fact that can be easy to lose sight of. Many amateur novels have an antagonist who practically walks around going, “Oh gee do I love being evil!”

This is not how people think. When people do bad things, they believe that (for some reason) the behavior is justified.

For example, an abusive parent isn’t abusing their kid because they just like being evil. Most individuals who act aggressively towards anyone (friend, family, or foe) are able to justify it: “He deserved it!” “He was asking for it!” “My dad beat me and I turned out okay!” “It builds characters!”

Some antagonists may even believe that what they are doing is actively good. For example, cleansing the world of a certain type of person, teaching someone “bad” a lesson, or righting some sort of wrong for which they were the victim.

The most important thing to remember is that if an antagonist doesn’t believe what they’re doing is right (in whatever twisted, messed up way), you’re going to have a tough time making them seem realistic to the reader.

Antagonists Are Defeated by Their Flaws

For a truly satisfying climax, the antagonist should lose because of a character flaw. Just like with protagonists, this flaw could take an infinite number of forms. Antagonists could be overly arrogant and make careless mistakes that get them caught. They could underestimate the protagonist and end up getting defeated in a way they never imagined. They could get so wrapped up in their ritualistic behavior that they don’t clear out of a crime scene in time. Or they could have difficulty controlling their anger to the point that they snap in public.

Whatever their flaw, it should be made as apparent as possible prior to the climax. This will ensure that when they are defeated, it seems logical, possible, and not like an easy way to simply let the protagonist win.

Cut the Bumbling Henchmen

Unless you’re taking the idea in a wildly new direction, I suggest avoiding giving your antagonist bumbling henchmen. Sure their sidekicks aren’t going to be as smart or as powerful as they are, but they shouldn’t be complete and utter baffoons.

In general, somebody else’s blatant stupidity does not make for a very interesting way of defeating them.

All characters of any significance (and henchmen certainly qualify if they become an obstacle for the protagonist) should undergo enough character development to not have to fall back on being stupid in order to fail.

What About Monsters?

If monsters are sentient enough to have a tangible goal, then they should have one. If they can talk, then they definitely need to have one.

The goal could be eating the protagonist or stealing their soul or appeasing the demon fleas infested in their fur, but they need to have some reason to be evil (just like the human antagonists).

Homework: Believable Antagonist Worksheet

To get you really thinking about how to improve your antagonist, I’ve created a worksheet of questions that will challenge you to think of your antagonist in a different way. You could easily write hundreds of words for each question if you properly develop your antagonist. So sit down in a nice quiet spot and get working!

The questions:

  • What is your antagonist’s goal? What is he or she trying to achieve?
  • Why does your antagonist feel that his goal is justified?
  • Does he ever not feel that the goal is justified? Does he ever feel guilty or remorseful? If so, what prompts him to continue pursuing his goal?
  • If the antagonist could snap his fingers and make the world exactly as he wants it, what would that world be like?
  • If your antagonist could travel back in time and change something about his past, what would it be? (Don’t say “nothing.” That’s a cop out and you know it!)
  • What is your antagonist’s flaw and how will it ultimately cause him to be defeated?
  • What is your antagonist’s relationship like with his henchmen/sidekick/etc.?
  • What does your antagonist like to do for fun? (Don’t say “kill people” or “make the protagonist suffer.” Really think about the question. Everyone has non-evil things they enjoy.)
  • What are some positive traits of your antagonist? Is he a great listener? Did she raise happy, healthy children? Did the wolfman once save someone’s life?

If you answer these questions before editing or rewriting your novel, you will be able to spot areas that are lacking in depth and create a more complex and interesting antagonist.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

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I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #6: Internal and External Obstacles

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Portrait

Yesterday we talked about the first piece of creating conflict – character motivation. Today I want to talk about the second piece – obstacles.

Obstacles are anything that gets in the way of the character’s goals. Obstacles come in all shapes and sizes. Think back to your high school English class when you learned about man vs. man, man vs. nature, man vs. self, and all that jazz. Obstacles can be anything!

The Internal Obstacle

External obstacles are much easier to get right. You throw an antagonist or a tornado or a ticking time bomb at your protagonist and he scrambles around to try to best it. Internal obstacles, on the other hand, are easy to overlook.

Every main character should have an internal obstacle — something within themselves that stands in the way of achieving what they want. This usually takes the form of an unfortunate character trait, such as being overly fearful, jealous, arrogant, selfish, etc.

This internal obstacle is (usually) not nearly as apparent in the novel as the external obstacles, but creates an extra level of depth. Consider Indiana Jones’ fear of snakes. It doesn’t hold him back in every scene, but it creates exciting and complex tension when it does.

The Beauty of Multiple Obstacles

Unlike multiple motivations, which can clutter the novel and confuse readers, multiple obstacles make for a more interesting and exciting novel. What’s more intense than two ghosts? Three ghosts! What’s more intense than a sword-wielding skeleton? A majorly huge giant right behind him!

Stacking obstacles until your character is in a situation that seems impossible to escape is an excellent way to keep readers hooked.

But it is possible for obstacles to be too big:

Watch Your Scale

In a movie, an epic battle between hordes of alligator-people can be super intense, visually striking, and so terrifying you bite your fingernails. But it doesn’t work the same way in novels.

Books aren’t visual, so the more soldiers, bad guys, or monsters you throw into the scene, the harder it is for the reader to relate to or keep track of any individual one. There is also a point where, as humans, we can no longer process the scope of an event on an emotional level because there is no intimacy. If I tell you that a thousand people were murdered, it won’t have near the impact of drawing you into a death scene for a single girl.

Obstacles in books work much the same way. A bad guy blocking each of the exits will often be a much more intense obstacle than a battlefield full of villains. Once you’ve lost the intimacy of an obstacle, tension is reduced.

If huge epic battles are an obstacle in your novel that cannot be removed, make sure to focus tightly on the main characters during the scene. Don’t rely on sweeping descriptions of the antagonists, but focus in on a few key baddies. And don’t forget to describe emotions!

Obstacles Should Increase in Severity

I talked about this a little bit during the First Page Promise lecture: you do not want to put your most intense obstacle at the beginning of the book. The obstacles your character has to face should increase in intensity and severity over time.

If they fight a twenty-foot space alien in chapter one, then a dust bunny monster in chapter thirty, the dusty bunny monster will seem so tiny and insignificant in comparison that the reader will struggle to feel any sense of tension.

A great way to increase the severity of obstacles is to increase the number of obstacles the character has to face at one time as you approach the novel’s climax.

The Best Obstacles Challenge the Character

Of course, all obstacles challenge the character, but I’m talking about the sort of obstacles that challenge the character on a personal, internal level.

Let’s say your character is deathly afraid of the dark. Use this fear against your character by placing his small child in a pitch black room with a giant monster. Suddenly your character has to face a fear in order to save his child. That’s a lot of complexity and depth for what could be a mediocre scene.

Here’s another example: Your character’s child is being held hostage. The only way to save the child is to shoot the captor, but your character doesn’t believe in murder under any circumstances.

A scene like the ones above will have the reader on the edge of their seat. What’s he going to do? How can he overcome this obstacle despite being scared or against murder? You can practically feel the terror in the character’s heart.

Obstacles that feed off of your character’s darkest issues will be the most captivating.

An Obstacle Should Exist in Every Scene

Just like with character motivation, an obstacle should be present in every scene. Without an obstacle, there is no conflict, and without a conflict, there is no reason for the reader to keep reading.

Note that obstacles do not have to be huge in every scene. They don’t even have to be huge in the novel as a whole. They just need to oppose what the character wants (his motivation), and they need to increase in intensity over time.

The most riveting novels will introduce a new obstacle before or immediately following the elimination of the previous obstacle. You do not want your character wandering around with no obstacles for long periods of time. This can cause the novel to stagnate.

Obstacles are Only Obstacles if the Character Cares

An obstacle must get in the way of a character’s goals. If it doesn’t work against their motivation, or if the character really doesn’t care all that much about it, then it is not a true obstacle.

Obstacles can’t be created by having a character temporarily care about something they ordinarily wouldn’t care about (this goes back to character motivation and how the plot should not dictate it).

If the character has never had an issue with their mother bossing them around and then suddenly (with no explanation/change) views their mother as an obstacle in the way of their independence, their mother will not come across as a legitimate obstacle. The reader will ask, “Who cares? It was never an issue any of the other times!”

For something that was not an obstacle to suddenly become an obstacle, something must first change in the character internally (such as a decision to no longer tolerate their mother’s bossiness).

If you’re struggling to come up with obstacles that truly stand in your character’s way, ask yourself: what is the worst thing that could happen to this character? Chances are you will initially come up with things that are too extreme, but scale it back further and further until you’ve got an obstacle of a reasonable size for the point in the story you’re working on.

Homework: Improving Your Novel’s Obstacles

This is another big homework assignment that might be too extensive for most participants to accomplish over the course of boot camp. Just get started and do as much as you can.

Go through each scene (not chapter) of your novel, and ask yourself the following:

  • Does this scene have an obstacle? If not, you must choose whether to add one in or delete the scene. (Remember that scenes should only be kept if they advance the plot.)
  • Could this obstacle be made more intense? If your character is thirsty, why not also make it hot outside? Oh, and they’re also running. And a lion is chasing them! And they’re wearing a parka!
  • Could this obstacle create conflicting feelings in the character by preying off of their darkest issues? Note, you do not want this to be present in every scene or it could grow tedious. Putting something like this around the climax is a great idea (it facilitates the character arc, which we’ll talk about later).
  • Is the obstacle truly an obstacle? Does the character actually oppose it in some way? If the obstacle gets in the way of an intangible character motivation (independence, acceptance, being loved), was this motivation clearly articulated earlier in the novel?

Now consider your novel as a whole (an outline would be helpful for this but isn’t required):

  • Do the obstacles get more intense over time? If not, you’ve likely got some restructuring to do.
  • Is the obstacle at the climax the most intense of the entire novel? If not, consider making the obstacle personally challenging for your character to add extra oomph to the scene.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

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I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #5: Character Motivation

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We all have motivations – the things that make us do what we do. But it’s not entirely uncommon (okay, it’s really common) for writers to not put enough thought into their characters’ motivations.

After all, motivation is easy right? Bad guys are motivated by evil. Good guys are motivated by good. Easy peasy.

Not so fast! Motivation is a vital component of a successful novel. Weak motivation can not only reduce the effectiveness of your story, it can completely ruin it!

Plot-Dictated Motivation

The plot dictating the characters’ motivations is one of the worst things that can happen to your novel. You can write the most interesting twists and turns with a premise that has “bestseller” written all over it, but if the characters’ actions aren’t authentic, it will fall completely and horribly flat.

A lot of people believe that authentic actions come from well developed characters, but character development isn’t nearly as important as authentic motivation.

Suzie running into the lion’s den makes for a fascinating scene! But if the reader doesn’t believe running into the lion’s den is something Suzie is sufficiently motivated to do, it’s worse than if she had decided to stay home.

If your character makes a decision because that is the decision that moves the plot in the direction you want it to go, you may very well end up with a problem.

Writing a plot outline is great for a lot of writers, but if your character is standing with her arms crossed, shaking her head, saying “I will not do that!” – don’t make her!

Too Much Motivation

Too much motivation could also be called “wish-washy motivation” because often the motivations appear and disappear throughout the novel whenever is convenient. This happens when writers aren’t quite sure how to justify what the characters are doing so they stuff a bunch of explanations into the novel.

I should rob this store because they ripped me off. Plus this is the store that Billy the bully shops at! Plus it’s Tuesday and I always like to wreak havoc on Tuesdays. And also they sold me a moldy banana last year.

I am not saying that your character cannot have multiple motivations. Sometimes this does occur and works well (so long as it feels authentic).  But if your character constantly cites multiple reasons for their behavior (especially if their motivation flip-flops throughout scenes without a reason for the change), you could create a weakening effect where all of the motivations seem inauthentic.

Too Little Motivation

Some books (such as humor and MG) can get away with teeny-tiny helpings of motivation. But the majority of genres need a great big heap to keep the novel moving. Not multiple motivations necessarily, but strong ones.

In general, the motivation should reflect the severity of the conflict. Your character cannot murder someone because they’re motivated by wanting a ham sandwich. They can’t run away from home because Mom wouldn’t let them watch cartoons.

There are certain motivations that might seem big to the writer, but don’t feel big to the reader, such as a character being motivated by a sense of right and wrong. This leads us into the next topic:

Motivation Must Be Personal

The character’s motivation must be personal, meaning that there needs to be a reason why they are willing to fight the novel’s antagonistic force. A sense of right and wrong is not a strong enough motivator. This motivation could be shared by hundreds of other people who could solve the conflict instead. It doesn’t provide a reason why the main character has to be the protagonist.

A character motivated by a strong sense of right and wrong could be seeking revenge for the murder of his family or saving a loved one from being kidnapped. Suddenly a pretty average motivation has been turned into something highly personal.

Adding a personal motivator into the mix makes the character’s actions easier to identify with. Without one, it’s easy for readers to find the character’s decisions unbelievable. This is what you experience often in poorly written horror movies. “Why would you go in there? You have no reason to go in there! OMG the monster is in there, you idiot!”

If you look for a personal motivator in published novels, you will find that the motivator is usually to “fit in,” save a loved one, or defeat a force that only that character can defeat.

Not Dying as a Motivator

Not wanting to die is usually not a sufficient motivator on its own. Not because not dying isn’t motivating, but because everybody wants to not die. “What is that book about?” “Well, the main character doesn’t want to die.”

Not dying should be coupled with another, more personal and dynamic motivator (see above), such as wanting to solve a mystery or wanting to save a loved one or wanting to live long enough to enter a pie-eating contest.

Motivation Should be Present on Every Page

There should not be a page in your novel where your character has no motivation. From page 1 to page 300, something should always be driving their behavior.

A page without motivation is dull, and a scene without motivation is meandering. If you’ve ever read a novel that felt like it wasn’t going anywhere, there’s a good chance it was because the characters’ motivations were not clearly identified and articulated.

Motivation is About Goals

Some writers can fall into the trap of giving characters motivations that are not tangible. Something like “wanting to fit in” is a great motivator, but what does that mean for the character? For some people, fitting in might mean making it onto a sports team while for others it would mean finding a long-term partner.

Clearly identify the goal behind your character’s motivations. And by clearly, I mean that there should be no question whatsoever in the reader’s mind as to what the character is trying to achieve.

Introduce New Motivations Before Eliminating Old Ones

Depending on your individual story, your character may have a variety of motivations that change over time. This is perfectly fine, but be sure to introduce new motivations before completely eliminating old ones.

More than a sentence or two in which a character has no motivation will make the reader begin to feel lost and bored. Readers keep reading because they are eager to see if the character achieves their goal. If there is no goal, there is no motivation to keep reading.

Bad Guys are Motivated Too

The antagonist’s motivations are often overlooked. Since they’re not the main character it’s easy to minimize the importance of how they feel. But keep in mind that for many novels, the entire story hinges on the motivation of the antagonist.

Why does the antagonist oppose the protagonist? Why do they want what they want?

Being evil for evil’s sake rarely works. We’re not writing cartoon villains. They need to want something tangible. They need to have a goal.

For more information, check out my video on How to Write a Great Antagonist.

Homework: Solidifying Character Motivations

This is a big homework assignment so hold onto your big girl/boy panties. For those without an outline to use for assistance, this will take even longer. If you can’t finish this during Novel Boot Camp, don’t fret. Just keep working at it whenever you can.

Look at each scene (not chapter) in your novel and ask yourself the following questions of every significant character in the scene:

  • What motivates this character? If they have no motivation, find a way to add one or eliminate the scene.
  • What is this character’s goal? Has it been clearly identified? Could a reader explain it to you without you first explaining it to them? If not, make the goal clearer.
  • Is this character’s motivation authentic? Does it truly feel like it’s coming from the character or was it dictated by where you wanted the plot to go? If the plot dictates the motivation, listen to your character instead (even if it means losing a really cool scene).

Note that there are times when a character’s motivation is kept secret. So long as this is not your protagonist, secret motivations are fine, but make sure it’s clear that a motivation does exist even if the reader doesn’t know what it is yet.

When to Add Motivation vs. When to Cut a Scene

If you run into scenes without character motivation, you will have to choose whether you want to cut the scene or add in a motivation. This decision should come down to whether or not the scene is advancing the plot. If it is, brainstorm ways to either add a character motivation or find a way to move the necessary information in the scene to a different scene that does have a clear character motivation.

If the scene doesn’t move the plot forward (or if it’s mostly just info dumping), you will need to come up with a way to restructure your story to eliminate the scene.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

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I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

First Page Friday #39: MG Horror/Adventure

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Novel Boot Camp

First Page Friday will be on hiatus from July 4th through August 1st for Novel Boot Camp. Weekly workshops and daily lectures will be held during the month instead. Please come by and participate! Connect with other Novel Boot Camp participants:

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Need a Critique Partner or Writing Friend? It’s not too late to join the meet and greet!

About First Page Friday

First Page Friday is a blog series where I provide a free edit and critique of the first 500 words of an unpublished novel. Read the excerpt without my notes first and leave your vote in the poll. Afterward, feel free to leave a comment for the author. Feedback is always helpful!

MG Horror/Adventure – Ryan

Erik admired the way his brother could smile through his bloodied face. Ozzie received a beating with all the regularity of a clock striking twelve, but this time it actually came at midnight. Ozzie crushed stalks of wheat as he fell, but he jumped up and struck back with his ten-year-old arms. He was no match for Jonas though. With four more years of hard farming labor over Ozzie, Jonas’s arms were twice the size and impacted his body like an axe to a tree. With a fist driven to his gut, Ozzie dropped to the ground again, struggling to breathe.

The skin on Erik’s face grew hot, but he just watched. He dug his hand in his pocket, found his rock and squeezed. There’s no use intervening; Jonas would just brutalize him like he did Ozzie. Nothing would be put to right. The rock pained his hand as his grasp constricted. There was a clamp on his stomach every time his brother got beat, but even if he did get the better of Jonas, there’d be hell to pay at home. Besides, Jonas was going to get his just desserts later anyway. Erik smirked and released the rock in his pocket.

“Are you idiots going to get back to work? Uncle Bauer won’t be happy if the harvest isn’t done before the storms come.” Erik said.

“Mind yer own business! Just had to finish teaching your brain-dead brother the same lesson as always.” Jonas strutted away giving his wrist a quick flick. “See you rats tomorrow. I gotta date with Lara.”

“A pretty girl like that…” Ozzie stammered between breaths, “ain’t gonna go for a moron like you.” But Jonas was already gone.

Erik approached his brother and shook his head when he saw Ozzie’s smile, like pearls in a stream of blood. “What’s wrong with you? Fighting him ain’t going to do no good.” He pulled Ozzie up. “You gotta stop getting him angry.”

Ozzie brushed his pants. “I didn’t even do anything; he just wants to be a tough guy. Someone’s gotta do something about it sometime.”

Erik patted down Ozzie’s shoulders brushing off dirt and broken stalks. “Don’t worry about that, he’s in for quite a surprise when he gets to Krause’s barn.”

Ozzie wiped his bloody mouth with the back of his arm. “Why’s that?”

Erik laughed. “You wanna get back at Jonas? You gotta know his weak spot; Lara. I once heard him singing about her hair smelling like dandelions!  It’s pathetic. You know Elsa, right? I got her to write a letter pretending to be Lara. It says she’s always had a secret love for him and that he should go over to her family’s barn tonight because she’s got a special present for him.”

Reader Participation – What Do You Think?

Before reading my take on this novel opening, please take a moment to record your thoughts in the poll below.

 

Your thoughtful critiques and suggestions for the writer are also welcome in the comments section. Explaining your vote gives the author even more insight into where they’re hitting the mark and where they can improve.

My Feedback

 Critique Key

Original Text is in italics. (Author is already using italics, so my comments are going to be underlined this week)

Red is text I recommend removing.

Green is text I recommend adding.

Blue is my comments.

Orange is highlighting.

MG Horror/Adventure – Ryan

Erik admired the way his brother could smile through his bloodied face. Ozzie received a beating with all the regularity of a clock striking twelve, but this time it actually came at midnight. < I really like this line. Ozzie crushed stalks of wheat as he fell, but he jumped up and struck back with his ten-year-old arms. < His arms are ten years old? What about the rest of him? I’m just teasing. But I suggest you find another way to introduce his age. Also if Erik admires Ozzie, the assumption is going to be that Ozzie is older. If that’s the case, then Erik is probably too young to appeal to most MG readers. He was no match for Jonas though. With four more years of hard farming labor over Ozzie, Jonas’s arms were twice the size and impacted his body like an axe to a tree. With a fist driven to his gut, Ozzie dropped to the ground again, struggling to breathe.

Is this story about Erik or Ozzie? You open with Erik, which indicates to readers that he is the main character, but then the rest of the paragraph focuses on Ozzie. We even get details about Ozzie, like his age and the fact that he always gets beaten up. We don’t know anything about Erik. 

The skin on Erik’s face grew hot, but he just watched. < Here you’re telling me that your character is inactive. If he’s the MC, this is a problem. He needs to be participating. He dug his hand in his pocket, found his rock and squeezed. There’s was no use intervening; Jonas would just brutalize him like he did Ozzie. Nothing would be put to right. The rock pained his hand as his grasp constricted. There was a clamp on his stomach every time his brother got beat, but even if he did get the better of Jonas, there’d be hell to pay at home. Besides, Jonas was going to get his just desserts later anyway. Erik smirked and released the rock in his pocket.

“Are you idiots going to get back to work? Uncle Bauer won’t be happy if the harvest isn’t done before the storms come.” Erik said. < They’re harvesting in the middle of the night? Why?

“Mind yer own business! Just had to finish teaching your brain-dead brother the same lesson as always.” <What lesson is he teaching him? As a reader, I expected the scene to focus on the fight and why it occurred. The fight not being addressed feels like a let down.  Jonas strutted away giving his wrist a quick flick. “See you rats tomorrow. I gotta date with Lara.”

“A pretty girl like that…” Ozzie stammered between breaths, “ain’t gonna go for a moron like you.” But Jonas was already gone.

Erik approached his brother and shook his head when he saw Ozzie’s smile, his teeth like pearls in a stream of blood. “What’s wrong with you? Fighting him ain’t going to do no good.” He pulled Ozzie up. “You gotta stop getting him angry.” < I’m not sure what personality traits Erik has. Is he bossy towards his brother or caring? Is he afraid to intervene or not? 

Ozzie brushed his pants. “I didn’t even do anything; he just wants to be a tough guy. Someone’s gotta do something about it sometime.”

Erik patted down Ozzie’s shoulders brushing off dirt and broken stalks. “Don’t worry about that, he’s in for quite a surprise when he gets to Krause’s barn.”

Ozzie wiped his bloody mouth with the back of his arm. “Why’s that?” < The blood makes this seem like upper middle grade (ages 10-12) but Ozzie’s age (10) makes it seem like lower middle grade. Remember that middle graders read about kids older than they are, not the same age or younger.

Erik laughed. “You wanna get back at Jonas? You gotta know his weak spot; Lara. I once heard him singing about her hair smelling like dandelions!  It’s pathetic. You know Elsa, right? I got her to write a letter pretending to be Lara. It says she’s always had a secret love for him and that he should go over to her family’s barn tonight because she’s got a special present for him.” < I feel like I’m coming into the story a bit late. This seems like a solution that the reader should have been able to learn about as it was being conceived.

 

My Overall Thoughts

From this opening, I’m getting the impression that Erik is a fairly weak character – both in the sense that he is inactive and in the sense that his personality is not fully conceived/conveyed. I’m also not sure when this is set. The harvest makes me wonder if this is historical but it’s certainly not clear.

Key Places to Improve:

  • Clarify who the main character is. If it’s Erik, why open with a conflict involving his brother and another boy? This is our first impression of Erik and he’s standing on the sidelines. His lack of involvement makes him seem like an observer, which is not a good trait for a protagonist.
  • If Erik is afraid to intervene, why does he have no problem calling them “idiots”? The emphasis on the rock and his inaction seemed to indicate that a fear of fighting is a character trait for him, so the name calling and his plan to trick Jonas contradicts that. Give the reader at least one concrete character trait to latch onto.
  • The setting of the scene is confusing. Why are they harvesting wheat at midnight? Why are kids harvesting wheat at all? Is this historical?

The Writeditor’s Grade (out of 5): 2.5

I’m not sure that you’re starting in the right place or getting the best details into this opening, but the writing was pretty smooth with a few lines that stood out (standing out is good!). Make sure that you keep your voice apparent because I do see a risk of slipping into a bland voicelessness.

But of course, since you’re participating in Novel Boot Camp, we’re going to get your novel polished to a shine!

A note on the grading scale: The rating of the first chapter does not indicate the rating of the novel as a whole nor does it indicate the writer’s overall ability.

Submit to First Page Friday – (currently OPEN to submissions)

***Please read this entire section before submitting***

Due to the amount of time it takes to respond to each email and due to the volume of submissions received (I booked 4 months in about 2 weeks), I am changing the submission and selection process for First Page Friday for my own sanity as well as to increase the quality of the series.

Submissions will no longer be accepted on a first come, first serve basis, and I will no longer be scheduling posts in advance. I will review submissions once a week and choose a first page that I feel provides the best learning opportunity for readers. This means that as much as I would love to respond to every submission, you probably won’t hear from me if I don’t select your first page. It also means that I may select your first page months after you submit it (you are responsible for updating or pulling your submission as needed).

To Submit, send the following information to ellenbrock@keytopservices.com or if you have trouble with that email address (as has been the case for some of you lately), send it to editorbrock@gmail.com:

  • The name you want used on your post (real name, pseudonym, or anonymous)
  • The first 500 words (Don’t stop in the middle of a sentence, but don’t add sentences above and beyond 500 words)
  • Any links you want included with the post (website, Amazon, GoodReads, Twitter, etc.)

Title your submission email: SUBMISSION: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]

If you don’t tell me your genre, I cannot choose you for First Page Friday so please include it!

If you need to update or revoke your submission, title your email: UPDATE: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]

If you are also interested in my editing or mentoring services, please send a separate email from your First Page Friday submission so that I can address it promptly. I will only open as many submission as it takes for me to select a first page, so I probably won’t get to your email for several weeks.

I will not remove First Page Friday critiques after they are posted, so please do not submit if you are not okay with your work being publicly critiqued on my blog.

I ask that you please comment, vote, and share First Page Friday posts from other authors. It’s courteous to both give and receive help. Thank you!

***A few people have emailed asking if they can have a private first page critique. I am more than happy to do that, but due to being completely booked (I’m working 10-11 hour days!), I have to charge $25 for private, offline first page critiques. Thanks for understanding!***

About the Editor

Ellen Brock is a freelance novel editor who works with self-publishing and traditionally publishing authors as well as e-publishers and small presses. When not editing, she enjoys reading, writing, and geocaching. Check out her freelance novel editing services and mentoring.

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First Page Friday #38: Crime Fiction / Thriller

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***First Page Friday will be on hiatus from July 4th through August 1st for Novel Boot Camp. Weekly workshops and daily lectures will be held during the month instead. Please come by and participate!***

Snag a Critique Partner on Monday June 23rd!

In preparation for Novel Boot Camp, I will be hosting a meet-up session on my blog for writers who are looking for critique partners or writing friends to help keep them motivated. You do not have to participate in Novel Boot Camp to participate. Please come by on Monday and make some new friends!

About First Page Friday

First Page Friday is a blog series where I provide a free edit and critique of the first 500 words of an unpublished novel. Read the excerpt without my notes first and leave your vote in the poll. Afterward, feel free to leave a comment for the author. Feedback is always helpful!

Crime Fiction / Thriller – Glenn

A distraction was the last thing that Mark Ingle needed.

In the Two and a half years that he had been working for Wright and McConnell advertising agency, no other brief had been so difficult. He wondered, as he glanced out of the small window next to his desk, if he should even be there. Not only was this client’s brief challenging to say the least, last night’s argument with Gina had left him exhausted. It was becoming a habit. Two months ago, Gina had decided it was time that they took their relationship to the next level. This involved moving in to a small two room apartment in London together. Mark was beginning to think it was a bad idea.

The distraction appeared benign enough. Marks phone rang. It was the floor receptionist. ‘Mark, I have your sister, Elizabeth on the phone from Australia, she says it is important.’

‘Thanks Emma. Tell her I will call her back in ten minutes. He checked his email, shut his monitor off and stood to go to lunch. As he took his first step he saw his boss, Ian, striding between the petitions, coming his way.

‘Here we go.’ Mark said under his breath.

‘Where are you up to on the Hybrid?’ Ian asked, as if already knowing the answer.

‘Well, I’m getting there, but…’

‘But what? I get the feeling you’re doing a little too much shagging about on this one Mark.’

‘I would rather you gave this to someone else in copy sir.’ Mark regretted his tone before the words were all out. Ian’s response began calm enough.

‘I’m afraid that it is a bit late for that. You have been sitting- and I don’t use the word lightly- on this for a week. What the hell could your problem be with it anyway?’

‘It’s a farce. Who is going to fall for the sort of shite that I am expected to say about a Hybrid SUV that is the size of a Sherman tank? It’s better for the environment, CRAP! It uses less fuel than the car you are driving now, CRAP! It will cost you less in Congestion charge, At least that bit’s true, in fact it is the only reason the bloody thing exists. Why else would they only want to target London and surrounding counties? How many do you think will be sold in countries that don’t have congestion charge? ZIP!.. Oh, I suppose a few do-good Hollywood celebs will buy them.’ Mark could feel that his face had turned red and could see that Ian was quickly turning a similar hue.

‘I will tell you why people will buy them. They will buy them by the ship load because our advertisement tells them to buy them. They will buy them because our advertisements are considered the best in the business. I think young man that you are forgetting that this agency employs you to write copy, not to bang on with your own opinions!.. and write copy is exactly what you are going to do!’

Reader Participation – What Do You Think?

Before reading my take on this novel opening, please take a moment to record your thoughts in the poll below.

 

Your thoughtful critiques and suggestions for the writer are also welcome in the comments section. Explaining your vote gives the author even more insight into where they’re hitting the mark and where they can improve.

My Feedback

 Critique Key

Original Text is in italics. (Author is already using italics, so my comments are going to be underlined this week)

Red is text I recommend removing.

Green is text I recommend adding.

Blue is my comments.

Orange is highlighting.

Crime Fiction / Thriller – Glenn

A distraction was the last thing that Mark Ingle needed. < This is an opening sentence that I’ve seen a lot. That doesn’t mean it can’t or doesn’t work, but I point it out only because it doesn’t have the uniqueness or flair that it might have had at one time.

In the Two and a half years that he had been working for Wright and McConnell advertising agency, no other brief had been so difficult. He wondered, as he glanced out of the small window next to his desk, if he should even be there. Not only was this client’s brief challenging to say the least, last night’s argument with Gina had left him exhausted. It was becoming a habit. At this point I am already tired of the telling (rather than showing). I don’t know the character well enough to truly care and I want to get on with the story. I can learn the details of his relationship with Gina later. Two months ago, Gina had decided it was time that they took their relationship to the next level. This involved moving in to a small two room apartment in London together. Mark was beginning to think it was a bad idea.

The distraction appeared benign enough. Mark‘s phone rang. It was the floor receptionist. ‘Mark, I have your sister, Elizabeth on the phone from Australia, she says it is important.’

‘Thanks Emma. Tell her I will call her back in ten minutes. He checked his email, shut his monitor off and stood to go to lunch. As he took his first step he saw his boss, Ian, striding between the petitions, coming his way.

‘Here we go.’ Mark said under his breath.

‘Where are you up to on the Hybrid?’ Ian asked, as if already knowing the answer.

‘Well, I’m getting there, but…’

‘But what? I get the feeling you’re doing a little too much shagging about on this one Mark.’

‘I would rather you gave this to someone else in copy sir.’ Mark regretted his tone before the words were all out. Ian’s response began calm enough.

‘I’m afraid that it is a bit late for that. You have been sitting- and I don’t use the word lightly- on this for a week. What the hell could your problem be with it anyway?’ < This last bit of dialogue seems unnatural to me. I would reword it: ‘What the hell is your problem with it anyway?’

‘It’s a farce. Who is going to fall for the sort of shite that I am expected to say about a Hybrid SUV that is the size of a Sherman tank? It’s better for the environment, CRAP! It uses less fuel than the car you are driving now, CRAP! It will cost you less in Congestion charge, At least that bit’s true, in fact it is the only reason the bloody thing exists. Why else would they only want to target London and surrounding counties? How many do you think will be sold in countries that don’t have congestion charge? ZIP!.. Oh, I suppose a few do-good Hollywood celebs will buy them.’ < I don’t know enough about Mark for this rant to feel authentic or passionate. Without the emotional buildup that the character experienced (which the reader didn’t experience), the dialogue has no impact. Mark could feel that his face had turned red and could see that Ian was quickly turning a similar hue.

‘I will tell you why people will buy them. They will buy them by the ship load because our advertisement tells them to buy them. They will buy them because our advertisements are considered the best in the business. I think young man that you are forgetting that this agency employs you to write copy, not to bang on with your own opinions!.. and write copy is exactly what you are going to do!’

 

My Overall Thoughts

I’m not getting crime fiction or thriller from this opening at all. I would expect this to be realistic fiction about the dangers of sacrificing your beliefs for your job.

Key Places to Improve:

  • You’ve introduced a lot of conflict without giving the reader any emotional connection to it. Mark goes from flat to ranting at his boss. I don’t feel close to him and  I don’t really understand how he feels. Work on engaging the reader’s emotions by showing Mark’s feelings progress through the scene.
  • Mark’s conflict with Gina, the distraction of the phone call, his boss getting upset, and Mark not wanting to write the advertisement is a lot of conflict but the reader is not given any context for how to interpret these events. Is he poor and worried about losing his job? Does he care about Gina because she’s the only woman to ever love him? Is his sister calling after ten years of silence or does she call every day?
  • If this is crime fiction or a thriller, I would open with something with more sinister undertones. This doesn’t read like the opening of a page-turner. I feel like I might be getting ready to learn a life lesson about not selling one’s soul for a job.

The Writeditor’s Grade (out of 5): 2

There’s nothing really wrong with the writing, but it’s a bit flat/unemotional. Forming that emotional connection to the reader is vital in making any story work.

A note on the grading scale: The rating of the first chapter does not indicate the rating of the novel as a whole nor does it indicate the writer’s overall ability.

Submit to First Page Friday – (currently OPEN to submissions)

***Please read this entire section before submitting***

Due to the amount of time it takes to respond to each email and due to the volume of submissions received (I booked 4 months in about 2 weeks), I am changing the submission and selection process for First Page Friday for my own sanity as well as to increase the quality of the series.

Submissions will no longer be accepted on a first come, first serve basis, and I will no longer be scheduling posts in advance. I will review submissions once a week and choose a first page that I feel provides the best learning opportunity for readers. This means that as much as I would love to respond to every submission, you probably won’t hear from me if I don’t select your first page. It also means that I may select your first page months after you submit it (you are responsible for updating or pulling your submission as needed).

To Submit, send the following information to ellenbrock@keytopservices.com or if you have trouble with that email address (as has been the case for some of you lately), send it to editorbrock@gmail.com:

  • The name you want used on your post (real name, pseudonym, or anonymous)
  • The first 500 words (Don’t stop in the middle of a sentence, but don’t add sentences above and beyond 500 words)
  • Any links you want included with the post (website, Amazon, GoodReads, Twitter, etc.)

Title your submission email: SUBMISSION: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]

If you don’t tell me your genre, I cannot choose you for First Page Friday so please include it!

If you need to update or revoke your submission, title your email: UPDATE: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]

If you are also interested in my editing or mentoring services, please send a separate email from your First Page Friday submission so that I can address it promptly. I will only open as many submission as it takes for me to select a first page, so I probably won’t get to your email for several weeks.

I will not remove First Page Friday critiques after they are posted, so please do not submit if you are not okay with your work being publicly critiqued on my blog.

I ask that you please comment, vote, and share First Page Friday posts from other authors. It’s courteous to both give and receive help. Thank you!

***A few people have emailed asking if they can have a private first page critique. I am more than happy to do that, but due to being completely booked (I’m working 10-11 hour days!), I have to charge $25 for private, offline first page critiques. Thanks for understanding!***

About the Editor

Ellen Brock is a freelance novel editor who works with self-publishing and traditionally publishing authors as well as e-publishers and small presses. When not editing, she enjoys reading, writing, and geocaching. Check out her freelance novel editing services and mentoring.

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First Page Friday #37: Historical Time Travel

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***First Page Friday will be on hiatus from July 4th through August 1st for Novel Boot Camp. Weekly workshops and daily lectures will be held during the month instead. Please come by and participate!***

About First Page Friday

First Page Friday is a blog series where I provide a free edit and critique of the first 500 words of an unpublished novel. Read the excerpt without my notes first and leave your vote in the poll. Afterward, feel free to leave a comment for the author. Feedback is always helpful!

Historical Time Travel – Chester Hendrix

PRESENT – 1804 AD

6 / 15 / 1804

9:48 PM

Boulogne-sur-Mer, northern coast of France

Near the Tour d’Ordre ruins

 

CHAPTER 1

ARRIVAL

 

The surface of the pool frothed and exploded. Three men simultaneously arched out of the churning water gasping for air. Their arms flailed and hands touched. They instinctively recoiled from each other – there should have been no hands to touch… the pool was empty only a second ago.

Each man looked desperately at the other, half expecting to see body parts, but found only the faces of two other men staring back with the same shocked expression. Quickly they jumped to the side of the pool – now searching outward to see how close the fireball had hit, and if it was safe to get out. There was only one fire burning from a five foot crater about fifteen feet from the edge. Nothing else seemed awry close to the pool. As one, they all clambered to the edge blocks and got out of the water.

Bayard rolled onto his back, gasping, staring up at the night sky. A few fire trails twirled through the air in random directions. Whatever had happened down by the docks, the worst of it was over. He could hear the voices of men yelling in the distance and curses closer by.

George stood up as soon as he got out of the pool – and just as quickly sat down. Surveying the landscape around him, something was just… wrong! He knew the quality of the darkened sky wasn’t artificial like the eclipse would create. This was night darkness. In fact, now that he looked around, everything was wrong. The fence around the pool was gone. In fact, everything around the pool was gone! The fence, the lockers, the buildings close by. He felt his head for injuries, thinking he must have taken a piece of shrapnel.

Titus crouched, his head swiveling. Where did all these tents and men come from? He froze as soon as he saw the lighthouse ruins. Impossible! he thought. A single greek fireball could not have destroyed the lighthouse and left half the base intact without rubble from the bricks being strewn to the depth of a man for a league. He would be crushed, as would the other two men who apparently had also jumped in to avoid the fireball.

He examined the sky to see if the eclipse had passed – and his mind twisted on itself. He could tell instantly by the position of the stars that it was no longer late afternoon, but late evening! Looking quickly around, the… land… was changed! At his feet – the stones of the pool… had aged! The twisting of his mind now reached his stomach. Overwhelmed, Titus fell to his knees and vomited. He collapsed onto his side, the eyes rolling into the back of his head, his body convulsing wildly in the grass.

Reader Participation – What Do You Think?

Before reading my take on this novel opening, please take a moment to record your thoughts in the poll below.

 

Your thoughtful critiques and suggestions for the writer are also welcome in the comments section. Explaining your vote gives the author even more insight into where they’re hitting the mark and where they can improve.

My Feedback

 Critique Key

Original Text is in italics. (Author is already using italics, so my comments are going to be underlined this week)

Red is text I recommend removing.

Green is text I recommend adding.

Blue is my comments.

Orange is highlighting.

Historical Time Travel – Chester Hendrix

PRESENT – 1804 AD

6 / 15 / 1804

9:48 PM

Boulogne-sur-Mer, northern coast of France

Near the Tour d’Ordre ruins

 

CHAPTER 1

ARRIVAL

 

The surface of the pool frothed and exploded. < I’m not sure how the surface of water could explode. Is it a literal explosion (with fire) or just a big spray of water? Was the explosion coming from under the water or just on the surface?  Three men simultaneously arched out of the churning water gasping for air. < I’d lose the adverb to strengthen your prose. Their arms flailed and hands touched. They instinctively recoiled from each other – there should have been no hands to touch… the pool was empty only a second ago. < This confuses me. Weren’t the three men in the water a second ago? How could it have been empty if they were in it? Are you saying that none of the three men knew the other men were present?

Each man looked desperately at the other, half expecting to see body parts, < Why would they expect to see body parts if the pool was empty? but found only the faces of two other men staring back with the same shocked expression. Quickly they jumped to the side of the pool – now searching outward to see how close the fireball had hit, < I didn’t realize there was a fireball. Was that what caused the explosion in the water or is this a different issue altogether? and if it was safe to get out. There was only one fire burning from a five foot crater about fifteen feet from the edge. Nothing else seemed awry close to the pool. As one, they all clambered to the edge blocks and got out of the water. < “Edge blocks” surprised me. I was imagining this as a natural pool.

Bayard rolled onto his back, gasping, staring up at the night sky. A few fire trails twirled through the air in random directions. < I’m not sure what you mean by this. Fire is suspended in the air? Whatever had happened down by the docks, the worst of it was over. < What happened by the docks? I thought all this was happening around a pool?  He could hear the voices of men yelling in the distance and curses closer by.

George stood up as soon as he got out of the pool – and just as quickly sat down. Surveying the landscape around him, something was just… wrong! He knew the quality of the darkened sky wasn’t artificial like the eclipse would create.  < Are you implying that there was supposed to be an eclipse? This was night darkness. In fact, now that he looked around, everything was wrong. The fence around the pool was gone. In fact, everything around the pool was gone! The fence, the lockers, the buildings close by. He felt his head for injuries, thinking he must have taken a piece of shrapnel.

I don’t know how the novel progresses, but it might be a good idea to stick close to one of these men to give the reader time to form an attachment (rather than jumping to Titus in the next paragraph).

Titus crouched, his head swiveling. Where did all these tents and men come from? He froze as soon as he saw the lighthouse ruins. Impossible! he thought. A single greek fireball could not have destroyed the lighthouse and left half the base intact without rubble from the bricks being strewn to the depth of a man for a league. He would be crushed, as would the other two men who apparently had also jumped in to avoid the fireball.

He examined the sky to see if the eclipse had passed – and his mind twisted on itself. He could tell instantly by the position of the stars that it was no longer late afternoon, but late evening! Looking quickly around, the… land… was changed! At his feet – the stones of the pool… had aged! < How can he tell that the stones have aged? What has visually changed about them? The twisting of his mind now reached his stomach. Overwhelmed, Titus fell to his knees and vomited. He collapsed onto his side, the eyes rolling into the back of his head, his body convulsing wildly in the grass.

 

My Overall Thoughts

I found this opening a bit difficult to follow. I felt that the descriptions did not do an adequate job of explaining what was happening so I was continually adjusting how I was visualizing the scene.

Key Places to Improve:

  • I’m not sure how the novel progresses, but I’m wondering if starting this novel just a moment sooner would help with clarity. It would give you time to describe what the men were doing, that they saw a fireball, and that it was afternoon. That way, when things change, the reader understands that things have changed and can experience the confusion along with the men.
  • Watch out for adverbs. They weaken prose. I gave you a couple of free ones because I think they can be used effectively at times, however I would cut out as many as you can (even if it means rewriting/rewording sentences).
  • It may be a good idea to choose one of the men to primarily focus on so that you give the reader a point of connection. It’s a good idea to either give the reader a character to connect to or an idea to get excited about. Meaning, that I would either make it very clear what’s going on (even though the characters don’t know) or I would let the reader get very close to one of the characters so that they experience the confusion along with them.

The Writeditor’s Grade (out of 5): 2

I had a hard time following  this. I wanted to either experience intrigue about the idea or concern for a character, but I found I spent most of the time trying to decipher what was going on.

A note on the grading scale: The rating of the first chapter does not indicate the rating of the novel as a whole nor does it indicate the writer’s overall ability.

Submit to First Page Friday – (currently OPEN to submissions)

***Please read this entire section before submitting***

Due to the amount of time it takes to respond to each email and due to the volume of submissions received (I booked 4 months in about 2 weeks), I am changing the submission and selection process for First Page Friday for my own sanity as well as to increase the quality of the series.

Submissions will no longer be accepted on a first come, first serve basis, and I will no longer be scheduling posts in advance. I will review submissions once a week and choose a first page that I feel provides the best learning opportunity for readers. This means that as much as I would love to respond to every submission, you probably won’t hear from me if I don’t select your first page. It also means that I may select your first page months after you submit it (you are responsible for updating or pulling your submission as needed).

To Submit, send the following information to ellenbrock@keytopservices.com or if you have trouble with that email address (as has been the case for some of you lately), send it to editorbrock@gmail.com:

  • The name you want used on your post (real name, pseudonym, or anonymous)
  • The first 500 words (Don’t stop in the middle of a sentence, but don’t add sentences above and beyond 500 words)
  • Any links you want included with the post (website, Amazon, GoodReads, Twitter, etc.)

Title your submission email: SUBMISSION: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]

If you don’t tell me your genre, I cannot choose you for First Page Friday so please include it!

If you need to update or revoke your submission, title your email: UPDATE: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]

If you are also interested in my editing or mentoring services, please send a separate email from your First Page Friday submission so that I can address it promptly. I will only open as many submission as it takes for me to select a first page, so I probably won’t get to your email for several weeks.

I will not remove First Page Friday critiques after they are posted, so please do not submit if you are not okay with your work being publicly critiqued on my blog.

I ask that you please comment, vote, and share First Page Friday posts from other authors. It’s courteous to both give and receive help. Thank you!

***A few people have emailed asking if they can have a private first page critique. I am more than happy to do that, but due to being completely booked (I’m working 10-11 hour days!), I have to charge $25 for private, offline first page critiques. Thanks for understanding!***

About the Editor

Ellen Brock is a freelance novel editor who works with self-publishing and traditionally publishing authors as well as e-publishers and small presses. When not editing, she enjoys reading, writing, and geocaching. Check out her freelance novel editing services and mentoring.

087

Help First Page Friday Succeed!  Please use the buttons below to share this post. The more views, the more submissions, the more First Page Fridays!