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Growing up, I thought I knew everything there was to know about the world. I was a determined, strong-minded, and independent sixteen-year-old. I stayed true to my beliefs and I was confident that I could. I loved my family and I was lucky enough to have my family love me back.
I knew the difference between right and wrong. I believed in the good, not the bad and it would anger me to see people do wrong to other people, yet I’d see it all the time; on the news, at school, on the street. I didn’t understand how there could be so much bad in the world, and I didn’t want to believe it. I was blind to the cruelness of the world, because I didn’t want to see it. Like it or not, however, evil exists. There is only so long you can get away with closing your eyes, because at some point, you’ll have to open them and see the world for the sad, unfair place it is. You can’t hide from the things you don’t want to see forever. I learnt this the hard way. |
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Ellen Brock 
As I read this, it sounds as if the protagonist is being reflective because something has happened. It makes me wonder what that something is. What happened to provoke thoughts of youth? To me, this text sounds like it should maybe come a bit later in the story and maybe the author should give us more insight on who we are learning about now, rather than who this character was as a youth.
From this small sample, I noticed that you used the word “was” too much. Aim for stronger verbs. Here’s something that may help: http://www.stlcc.edu/Student_Resources/Academic_Resources/Writing_Resources/Grammar_Handouts/To-be-Verbs.pdf
Best of luck, and keep writing!
Though this beginning leaves the reader wondering, it could be the opening of any book. Making the sentences your own, make them personal by using vocabulary, or humor. Good luck!