Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #8: Writing Believable Antagonists

July 11, 2014July 11, 20146 Comments

Antagonists are great! They’re evil, quirky, strange people who do things that we normal people would never dream of doing. Unfortunately, antagonists are often not given enough character development to truly be able to shine.

So today we’re going to talk about how to improve your antagonist and the role he or she plays in your novel. I know that I’ve touched on the antagonist a few times already, but I wanted to give this important character the space he deserves in this course.

Note that not all novels have a human (or sentient) antagonist. If your book doesn’t have one, don’t fret! It’s not a requirement. Though most books have at least some human element to their antagonistic force, so you may still pick up some helpful hints.

Avoid Bad for Bad’s Sake

The most common mistake when writing an antagonist is creating a character who is bad just for the sake of being bad. He loves to rub his hands together and laugh maniacally and think about drowning puppies and stealing candy from babies.

This type of person does not exist in reality. Even serial killers, rapists, and mass murderers are rarely (if ever) described as all-around bad people. Even most crappy horror movies give the antagonist at least some sort of motivation.

People are bad for a reason. They have a motivation to do the evil things they do, which leads us to:

Antagonists Must Have Tangible Goals

The antagonist, just like the protagonist, has something that he or she wants to achieve. They have a goal. This goal needs to be tangible, identifiable. If the reader doesn’t know what the goal is right away, they at least need to get the impression that there is one.

The goal also needs to make sense!

Taking over the world and murdering everyone is a mostly illogical goal. What would someone do with a world full of dead people? Yet taking over the world could be turned into a realistic goal if it would allow the antagonist to solve some personal issue, such as needing the government’s secret technology in order to build a time machine to go back in time to save his sister.

Yes, even antagonists need to have a goal that is personal. Achieving their goal must relieve some source of pain or hardship in their lives. Without that, their goals will seem laughable.

Note that their source of pain or hardship could be entirely based on their own perception. It doesn’t have to make sense to normal people. However I would avoid using “insanity” as a cop out for the antagonist’s behavior.

Antagonists Believe They Are Right

Just like the protagonist believes they are right, the antagonist believes that they are right too. This is a very important fact that can be easy to lose sight of. Many amateur novels have an antagonist who practically walks around going, “Oh gee do I love being evil!”

This is not how people think. When people do bad things, they believe that (for some reason) the behavior is justified.

For example, an abusive parent isn’t abusing their kid because they just like being evil. Most individuals who act aggressively towards anyone (friend, family, or foe) are able to justify it: “He deserved it!” “He was asking for it!” “My dad beat me and I turned out okay!” “It builds characters!”

Some antagonists may even believe that what they are doing is actively good. For example, cleansing the world of a certain type of person, teaching someone “bad” a lesson, or righting some sort of wrong for which they were the victim.

The most important thing to remember is that if an antagonist doesn’t believe what they’re doing is right (in whatever twisted, messed up way), you’re going to have a tough time making them seem realistic to the reader.

Antagonists Are Defeated by Their Flaws

For a truly satisfying climax, the antagonist should lose because of a character flaw. Just like with protagonists, this flaw could take an infinite number of forms. Antagonists could be overly arrogant and make careless mistakes that get them caught. They could underestimate the protagonist and end up getting defeated in a way they never imagined. They could get so wrapped up in their ritualistic behavior that they don’t clear out of a crime scene in time. Or they could have difficulty controlling their anger to the point that they snap in public.

Whatever their flaw, it should be made as apparent as possible prior to the climax. This will ensure that when they are defeated, it seems logical, possible, and not like an easy way to simply let the protagonist win.

Cut the Bumbling Henchmen

Unless you’re taking the idea in a wildly new direction, I suggest avoiding giving your antagonist bumbling henchmen. Sure their sidekicks aren’t going to be as smart or as powerful as they are, but they shouldn’t be complete and utter baffoons.

In general, somebody else’s blatant stupidity does not make for a very interesting way of defeating them.

All characters of any significance (and henchmen certainly qualify if they become an obstacle for the protagonist) should undergo enough character development to not have to fall back on being stupid in order to fail.

What About Monsters?

If monsters are sentient enough to have a tangible goal, then they should have one. If they can talk, then they definitely need to have one.

The goal could be eating the protagonist or stealing their soul or appeasing the demon fleas infested in their fur, but they need to have some reason to be evil (just like the human antagonists).

Homework: Believable Antagonist Worksheet

To get you really thinking about how to improve your antagonist, I’ve created a worksheet of questions that will challenge you to think of your antagonist in a different way. You could easily write hundreds of words for each question if you properly develop your antagonist. So sit down in a nice quiet spot and get working!

The questions:

What is your antagonist’s goal? What is he or she trying to achieve?

Why does your antagonist feel that his goal is justified?

Does he ever not feel that the goal is justified? Does he ever feel guilty or remorseful? If so, what prompts him to continue pursuing his goal?

If the antagonist could snap his fingers and make the world exactly as he wants it, what would that world be like?

If your antagonist could travel back in time and change something about his past, what would it be? (Don’t say “nothing.” That’s a cop out and you know it!)

What is your antagonist’s flaw and how will it ultimately cause him to be defeated?

What is your antagonist’s relationship like with his henchmen/sidekick/etc.?

What does your antagonist like to do for fun? (Don’t say “kill people” or “make the protagonist suffer.” Really think about the question. Everyone has non-evil things they enjoy.)

What are some positive traits of your antagonist? Is he a great listener? Did she raise happy, healthy children? Did the wolfman once save someone’s life?

If you answer these questions before editing or rewriting your novel, you will be able to spot areas that are lacking in depth and create a more complex and interesting antagonist.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

I will be answering writing and editing questions on our Twitter hashtag as time allows. Due to the insane volume of emails I’m receiving, I cannot provide free advice or assistance via email. Thank you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #7: Be Ruthless

July 10, 2014July 10, 201410 Comments

Writers love their characters. I mean, they really really love their characters! Some of them daydream about their characters throughout the day. Others hear their characters talking in their heads. And most authors say that they put at least some tiny piece of themselves in every character.

So because writers love their characters so much (and may even view them as an extension of themselves), sometimes they’re a little too nice to them.

I mean, when you love someone, you want to see them happy. You want their lives to turn out beautiful, all wrapped up with a nice tidy bow.

But this is not what novels are about. Nobody wants to read about a life sprinkled with rose petals. In order to write a great novel, you must be willing to beat the crap out of your characters. You have to give them hell. Throw them through the wringer and meet them with a sledgehammer at the other side.

You have to be ruthless.

Here’s how:

Write What You’re Afraid to Write

We’ve all had good and bad experiences that shape who we are. These experiences can cause us to shy away from certain subjects – either because they are so frighteningly foreign or so terrifyingly familiar.

These things can be big or small, serious or light. They are things so far from our plotting radar they don’t even enter our minds as we write, or they might be things we think of but dismiss. “I could never write about that!”

They could be things we’re afraid of: needles, the dark, spiders, clowns, freak accidents.

Or they could be things that just seem too harsh or unfair: the death of a loved one, abuse, divorce, infidelity, a terminal disease.

These things are scary, especially when they’re happening to our character (who, admittedly, as at least a little bit like us). Writing these scary elements or events into our novel can hit a bit too close to home. It can make us uncomfortable. But it can also make for an interesting and complex conflict.

Sometimes our plot needs something that’s hard for us to write. Consider the topics you’re consciously or subconsciously avoiding. Not only are they emotionally charged, but the terror that you feel about them can translate into tense and emotional writing.

Hurt Your Protagonist’s Heart

We’re all pretty nice people who don’t like to trample on anyone’s feelings. But this can make us really bad plotters when we want to coddle and protect our characters from broken hearts. And I don’t mean in a purely romantic sense. Broken hearts can come from all sorts of experiences and relationships.

The very best novels trample all over the hearts of their protagonists. They don’t pull any punches. They don’t wrap their protagonist in a cuddly blanket and push a mug of hot cocoa in their hands. They let the terrible things in the world rip them to shreds.

Never be afraid of breaking your protagonist’s heart. Let them taste their goals and then smash their dreams. Don’t worry, you can always build them back up later.

If you don’t let them go to those dark places, at least for a while, there’s no satisfaction for the reader.

The novel is your character’s journey. Give them a wild ride, not a pleasant trot across flat terrain.

Avoid the Impenetrable Protagonist

For those writing novels with a lot of physical challenges – natural disaster, hard labor, fighting, etc. – don’t shield your protagonist from injury. There’s nothing quite as artificial as a protagonist who runs barefoot through the woods getting chased by a murderer in the hot August sun, yet gets nary a scratch.

Do not wrap your protagonist in bubble wrap! They’re human beings, not androids. If you throw them into a pit, their legs should break. If someone punches them, they should get a black eye.

Overly protecting a protagonist is especially apparent when other characters do get injured. If your protagonist makes it out of every scuffle without so much as a bug bite while everyone else is holding their guts inside their slashed stomach’s, readers are going to call your bluff.

And besides, even if it does come off okay that your character doesn’t get injured, you’re still reducing the obstacles in their path. Make them bleed! Break their bones! Your readers will love it.

Give Your Antagonist the Advantage

In a fight between a little girl and a sumo wrestler, it’s obvious whose going to win. If the little girl is your protagonist, awesome! If she’s the antagonist, suddenly she’s super-duper lame.

To create a satisfying battle (whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional) between your protagonist and your antagonist, the antagonist must (at least) be an equal match to the protagonist. Ideally, the antagonist should be the stronger, faster, smarter, savvier of the two. Yes, he/she will have a weakness that the protagonist uses to beat them, but in all other areas, they should be equal to or superior to your protagonist.

One way of going easy on your precious characters is to put an antagonistic force in their path that is easy-peasy to defeat. No! Don’t do this! The reader should believe that defeating the antagonist is impossible. If you match your sumo wrestler protagonist with a little girl antagonist (unless she’s evil, possessed, or an android), the battle is going to feel bland, boring, and totally unsatisfying.

Make Your Antagonist Act

Sometimes we get our protagonists into sticky situations where the antagonist clearly has the advantage. For example, the protagonist is tied up, handcuffed, locked in a jail cell, cornered, or battling without a weapon.

Those writers who are being too easy on their characters will often end up with the antagonist in this scene doing nothing! He will circle around the character, say some mean things, maybe swing his weapon around a bit, but will ultimately be foiled because he fails to actually ever do anything.

Don’t let your protagonist win just because the antagonist is an idiot. This might give you an opportunity to avoid hurting your precious main character, but the reader will call you out on it. “Why didn’t the bad guy just stab him? He was right there!”

We’ll be talking about antagonists more soon (*cough* tomorrow). But I want you to get started thinking about the role of the antagonist in putting your character through the wringer.

Homework: Give Your Character Hell

The homework has been a lot more challenging this week, so I wanted to give you a tiny break with something not quite so hard.

Ask yourself the following questions:

What is the worst thing that could happen to my character emotionally? Have you delivered it? Could you edit the novel to add it in? If not, could you add a tamed down version of it in?

Are there any scenes where the character should have been injured but wasn’t? Could you add an injury? Even a minor one?

Overall, are the obstacles in your character’s path a bit too easy? Do they create a legitimate challenge and carry a reasonable amount of risk (emotionally or physically)?

Is the antagonist as strong or stronger than the main character? Do their encounters/battles legitimately challenge the protagonist?

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #6: Internal and External Obstacles

July 9, 20149 Comments

Yesterday we talked about the first piece of creating conflict – character motivation. Today I want to talk about the second piece – obstacles.

Obstacles are anything that gets in the way of the character’s goals. Obstacles come in all shapes and sizes. Think back to your high school English class when you learned about man vs. man, man vs. nature, man vs. self, and all that jazz. Obstacles can be anything!

The Internal Obstacle

External obstacles are much easier to get right. You throw an antagonist or a tornado or a ticking time bomb at your protagonist and he scrambles around to try to best it. Internal obstacles, on the other hand, are easy to overlook.

Every main character should have an internal obstacle — something within themselves that stands in the way of achieving what they want. This usually takes the form of an unfortunate character trait, such as being overly fearful, jealous, arrogant, selfish, etc.

This internal obstacle is (usually) not nearly as apparent in the novel as the external obstacles, but creates an extra level of depth. Consider Indiana Jones’ fear of snakes. It doesn’t hold him back in every scene, but it creates exciting and complex tension when it does.

The Beauty of Multiple Obstacles

Unlike multiple motivations, which can clutter the novel and confuse readers, multiple obstacles make for a more interesting and exciting novel. What’s more intense than two ghosts? Three ghosts! What’s more intense than a sword-wielding skeleton? A majorly huge giant right behind him!

Stacking obstacles until your character is in a situation that seems impossible to escape is an excellent way to keep readers hooked.

But it is possible for obstacles to be too big:

Watch Your Scale

In a movie, an epic battle between hordes of alligator-people can be super intense, visually striking, and so terrifying you bite your fingernails. But it doesn’t work the same way in novels.

Books aren’t visual, so the more soldiers, bad guys, or monsters you throw into the scene, the harder it is for the reader to relate to or keep track of any individual one. There is also a point where, as humans, we can no longer process the scope of an event on an emotional level because there is no intimacy. If I tell you that a thousand people were murdered, it won’t have near the impact of drawing you into a death scene for a single girl.

Obstacles in books work much the same way. A bad guy blocking each of the exits will often be a much more intense obstacle than a battlefield full of villains. Once you’ve lost the intimacy of an obstacle, tension is reduced.

If huge epic battles are an obstacle in your novel that cannot be removed, make sure to focus tightly on the main characters during the scene. Don’t rely on sweeping descriptions of the antagonists, but focus in on a few key baddies. And don’t forget to describe emotions!

Obstacles Should Increase in Severity

I talked about this a little bit during the First Page Promise lecture: you do not want to put your most intense obstacle at the beginning of the book. The obstacles your character has to face should increase in intensity and severity over time.

If they fight a twenty-foot space alien in chapter one, then a dust bunny monster in chapter thirty, the dusty bunny monster will seem so tiny and insignificant in comparison that the reader will struggle to feel any sense of tension.

A great way to increase the severity of obstacles is to increase the number of obstacles the character has to face at one time as you approach the novel’s climax.

The Best Obstacles Challenge the Character

Of course, all obstacles challenge the character, but I’m talking about the sort of obstacles that challenge the character on a personal, internal level.

Let’s say your character is deathly afraid of the dark. Use this fear against your character by placing his small child in a pitch black room with a giant monster. Suddenly your character has to face a fear in order to save his child. That’s a lot of complexity and depth for what could be a mediocre scene.

Here’s another example: Your character’s child is being held hostage. The only way to save the child is to shoot the captor, but your character doesn’t believe in murder under any circumstances.

A scene like the ones above will have the reader on the edge of their seat. What’s he going to do? How can he overcome this obstacle despite being scared or against murder? You can practically feel the terror in the character’s heart.

Obstacles that feed off of your character’s darkest issues will be the most captivating.

An Obstacle Should Exist in Every Scene

Just like with character motivation, an obstacle should be present in every scene. Without an obstacle, there is no conflict, and without a conflict, there is no reason for the reader to keep reading.

Note that obstacles do not have to be huge in every scene. They don’t even have to be huge in the novel as a whole. They just need to oppose what the character wants (his motivation), and they need to increase in intensity over time.

The most riveting novels will introduce a new obstacle before or immediately following the elimination of the previous obstacle. You do not want your character wandering around with no obstacles for long periods of time. This can cause the novel to stagnate.

Obstacles are Only Obstacles if the Character Cares

An obstacle must get in the way of a character’s goals. If it doesn’t work against their motivation, or if the character really doesn’t care all that much about it, then it is not a true obstacle.

Obstacles can’t be created by having a character temporarily care about something they ordinarily wouldn’t care about (this goes back to character motivation and how the plot should not dictate it).

If the character has never had an issue with their mother bossing them around and then suddenly (with no explanation/change) views their mother as an obstacle in the way of their independence, their mother will not come across as a legitimate obstacle. The reader will ask, “Who cares? It was never an issue any of the other times!”

For something that was not an obstacle to suddenly become an obstacle, something must first change in the character internally (such as a decision to no longer tolerate their mother’s bossiness).

If you’re struggling to come up with obstacles that truly stand in your character’s way, ask yourself: what is the worst thing that could happen to this character? Chances are you will initially come up with things that are too extreme, but scale it back further and further until you’ve got an obstacle of a reasonable size for the point in the story you’re working on.

Homework: Improving Your Novel’s Obstacles

This is another big homework assignment that might be too extensive for most participants to accomplish over the course of boot camp. Just get started and do as much as you can.

Go through each scene (not chapter) of your novel, and ask yourself the following:

Does this scene have an obstacle? If not, you must choose whether to add one in or delete the scene. (Remember that scenes should only be kept if they advance the plot.)

Could this obstacle be made more intense? If your character is thirsty, why not also make it hot outside? Oh, and they’re also running. And a lion is chasing them! And they’re wearing a parka!

Could this obstacle create conflicting feelings in the character by preying off of their darkest issues? Note, you do not want this to be present in every scene or it could grow tedious. Putting something like this around the climax is a great idea (it facilitates the character arc, which we’ll talk about later).

Is the obstacle truly an obstacle? Does the character actually oppose it in some way? If the obstacle gets in the way of an intangible character motivation (independence, acceptance, being loved), was this motivation clearly articulated earlier in the novel?

Now consider your novel as a whole (an outline would be helpful for this but isn’t required):

Do the obstacles get more intense over time? If not, you’ve likely got some restructuring to do.

Is the obstacle at the climax the most intense of the entire novel? If not, consider making the obstacle personally challenging for your character to add extra oomph to the scene.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #5: Character Motivation

July 8, 20147 Comments

We all have motivations – the things that make us do what we do. But it’s not entirely uncommon (okay, it’s really common) for writers to not put enough thought into their characters’ motivations.

After all, motivation is easy right? Bad guys are motivated by evil. Good guys are motivated by good. Easy peasy.

Not so fast! Motivation is a vital component of a successful novel. Weak motivation can not only reduce the effectiveness of your story, it can completely ruin it!

Plot-Dictated Motivation

The plot dictating the characters’ motivations is one of the worst things that can happen to your novel. You can write the most interesting twists and turns with a premise that has “bestseller” written all over it, but if the characters’ actions aren’t authentic, it will fall completely and horribly flat.

A lot of people believe that authentic actions come from well developed characters, but character development isn’t nearly as important as authentic motivation.

Suzie running into the lion’s den makes for a fascinating scene! But if the reader doesn’t believe running into the lion’s den is something Suzie is sufficiently motivated to do, it’s worse than if she had decided to stay home.

If your character makes a decision because that is the decision that moves the plot in the direction you want it to go, you may very well end up with a problem.

Writing a plot outline is great for a lot of writers, but if your character is standing with her arms crossed, shaking her head, saying “I will not do that!” – don’t make her!

Too Much Motivation

Too much motivation could also be called “wish-washy motivation” because often the motivations appear and disappear throughout the novel whenever is convenient. This happens when writers aren’t quite sure how to justify what the characters are doing so they stuff a bunch of explanations into the novel.

I should rob this store because they ripped me off. Plus this is the store that Billy the bully shops at! Plus it’s Tuesday and I always like to wreak havoc on Tuesdays. And also they sold me a moldy banana last year.

I am not saying that your character cannot have multiple motivations. Sometimes this does occur and works well (so long as it feels authentic). But if your character constantly cites multiple reasons for their behavior (especially if their motivation flip-flops throughout scenes without a reason for the change), you could create a weakening effect where all of the motivations seem inauthentic.

Too Little Motivation

Some books (such as humor and MG) can get away with teeny-tiny helpings of motivation. But the majority of genres need a great big heap to keep the novel moving. Not multiple motivations necessarily, but strong ones.

In general, the motivation should reflect the severity of the conflict. Your character cannot murder someone because they’re motivated by wanting a ham sandwich. They can’t run away from home because Mom wouldn’t let them watch cartoons.

There are certain motivations that might seem big to the writer, but don’t feel big to the reader, such as a character being motivated by a sense of right and wrong. This leads us into the next topic:

Motivation Must Be Personal

The character’s motivation must be personal, meaning that there needs to be a reason why they are willing to fight the novel’s antagonistic force. A sense of right and wrong is not a strong enough motivator. This motivation could be shared by hundreds of other people who could solve the conflict instead. It doesn’t provide a reason why the main character has to be the protagonist.

A character motivated by a strong sense of right and wrong could be seeking revenge for the murder of his family or saving a loved one from being kidnapped. Suddenly a pretty average motivation has been turned into something highly personal.

Adding a personal motivator into the mix makes the character’s actions easier to identify with. Without one, it’s easy for readers to find the character’s decisions unbelievable. This is what you experience often in poorly written horror movies. “Why would you go in there? You have no reason to go in there! OMG the monster is in there, you idiot!”

If you look for a personal motivator in published novels, you will find that the motivator is usually to “fit in,” save a loved one, or defeat a force that only that character can defeat.

Not Dying as a Motivator

Not wanting to die is usually not a sufficient motivator on its own. Not because not dying isn’t motivating, but because everybody wants to not die. “What is that book about?” “Well, the main character doesn’t want to die.”

Not dying should be coupled with another, more personal and dynamic motivator (see above), such as wanting to solve a mystery or wanting to save a loved one or wanting to live long enough to enter a pie-eating contest.

Motivation Should be Present on Every Page

There should not be a page in your novel where your character has no motivation. From page 1 to page 300, something should always be driving their behavior.

A page without motivation is dull, and a scene without motivation is meandering. If you’ve ever read a novel that felt like it wasn’t going anywhere, there’s a good chance it was because the characters’ motivations were not clearly identified and articulated.

Motivation is About Goals

Some writers can fall into the trap of giving characters motivations that are not tangible. Something like “wanting to fit in” is a great motivator, but what does that mean for the character? For some people, fitting in might mean making it onto a sports team while for others it would mean finding a long-term partner.

Clearly identify the goal behind your character’s motivations. And by clearly, I mean that there should be no question whatsoever in the reader’s mind as to what the character is trying to achieve.

Introduce New Motivations Before Eliminating Old Ones

Depending on your individual story, your character may have a variety of motivations that change over time. This is perfectly fine, but be sure to introduce new motivations before completely eliminating old ones.

More than a sentence or two in which a character has no motivation will make the reader begin to feel lost and bored. Readers keep reading because they are eager to see if the character achieves their goal. If there is no goal, there is no motivation to keep reading.

Bad Guys are Motivated Too

The antagonist’s motivations are often overlooked. Since they’re not the main character it’s easy to minimize the importance of how they feel. But keep in mind that for many novels, the entire story hinges on the motivation of the antagonist.

Why does the antagonist oppose the protagonist? Why do they want what they want?

Being evil for evil’s sake rarely works. We’re not writing cartoon villains. They need to want something tangible. They need to have a goal.

For more information, check out my video on How to Write a Great Antagonist.

Homework: Solidifying Character Motivations

This is a big homework assignment so hold onto your big girl/boy panties. For those without an outline to use for assistance, this will take even longer. If you can’t finish this during Novel Boot Camp, don’t fret. Just keep working at it whenever you can.

Look at each scene (not chapter) in your novel and ask yourself the following questions of every significant character in the scene:

What motivates this character? If they have no motivation, find a way to add one or eliminate the scene.

What is this character’s goal? Has it been clearly identified? Could a reader explain it to you without you first explaining it to them? If not, make the goal clearer.

Is this character’s motivation authentic? Does it truly feel like it’s coming from the character or was it dictated by where you wanted the plot to go? If the plot dictates the motivation, listen to your character instead (even if it means losing a really cool scene).

Note that there are times when a character’s motivation is kept secret. So long as this is not your protagonist, secret motivations are fine, but make sure it’s clear that a motivation does exist even if the reader doesn’t know what it is yet.

When to Add Motivation vs. When to Cut a Scene

If you run into scenes without character motivation, you will have to choose whether you want to cut the scene or add in a motivation. This decision should come down to whether or not the scene is advancing the plot. If it is, brainstorm ways to either add a character motivation or find a way to move the necessary information in the scene to a different scene that does have a clear character motivation.

If the scene doesn’t move the plot forward (or if it’s mostly just info dumping), you will need to come up with a way to restructure your story to eliminate the scene.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Workshop #2: First Page Critique

July 7, 20141,062 Comments

Welcome to week two of Novel Boot Camp! Week one was a wild ride and a fantastic success. Thanks so much to everyone who participated, shared the posts, made donations, and helped out your fellow writers on Twitter and in the Facebook group. Novel Boot Camp would be nothing without you!

This post was originally going to contain the results for workshop #1 (I can hear you all laughing at my optimism), but participation was higher than I expected. There were 115 novel openings posted (that’s about 23,000 words!) and over 1,000 guesses!

So, needless to say, I have not had time to calculate the winners. It may take until after Novel Boot Camp for the results to be posted. Thanks for your patience!

Because participation was higher than expected, this week’s workshop will not have a winner that requires judging (or else I might go insane). I know this isn’t quite as much fun, but take solace in knowing that the more openings you critique, the higher your chance of winning!

How to Critique Other Writers

Before we launch into the rules of the critique, I want to give a brief mini-lecture on how to be a good novel critiquer. Here are some things to keep in mind:

Don’t be mean, hostile, aggressive, or cruel. There’s no reason to put people down or embarrass them for their mistakes. Be kind in pointing out issues. Remember that this may be the internet, but the people posting are real writers with real feelings.

Be honest. Don’t say you like something just because you like the writer or because you want to be supportive. You can be encouraging and still tell the truth.

Reciprocate! Don’t ask for critiques with no intention of providing a critique of your own. This isn’t fair to the writers who take time out to help you.

Be approachable. This isn’t the time or place to use fancy literary terms or to act uppity or pretentious. The goal is to help the other writer, not sound smarter or more accomplished.

Admit what you don’t know. Avoid giving advice or making recommendations when you aren’t sure whether something is right or wrong. If you aren’t sure, say so. Wrong advice can often we worse than no advice.

Focus on Feelings. How you feel about an opening, character, word choice, sentence structure, etc. is very valuable to the writer. A statement like, “I didn’t feel sucked in, and the main character seemed a bit mean.” is often more constructive than a statement like, “I wouldn’t start my novel at this point, and the main character shouldn’t smack the dog.”

The Value of Critiquing

When writers email me asking how to improve their writing, I always tell them to start critiquing! Nothing is as useful at opening up a writer’s eyes to issues and mistakes in their own manuscript as seeing those same issues in someone else’s work.

Make sure to read some other writer’s critiques as well. This can teach you to recognize issues you didn’t even know existed.

Workshop #2: First Page Critique

July 7 – 13

How to Submit Your Novel Opening

*Please read all of the rules before posting.*

Writers will be posting their own submissions this week. You do not need to email me or fill out a form. You may post under your real name or anonymously, but keep in mind that you cannot win if you do not have a username that I can use to identify and contact you.

Your submission should be posted in the comments section below and should include nothing but your genre and the first 250 words. Do not begin or end your post (or reply to your own post) with any additional information. The goal is to get unbiased, authentic critiques.

Example post:

GENRE: YA Science Fiction

She looked at me with fear in her eyes and a laser-gun in her hands….. (stop at 250 words).

Each writer may post up to two openings. Please only post two if you are truly working on two novels at once. Don’t dig into the bowels of your hard drive just to come up with a second opening. In other words, don’t waste your fellow Boot Campers’ time with an opening you’re not serious about.

A note about the submission length: I increased the length from 200 words to 250 words due to a number of complaints about the word count restriction. Only allowing 200 words was an attempt at keeping the contest more manageable. I am allowing Novel Boot Campers to post up to 250 words this week under the condition that posts not exceed that length. Last week a bunch of you tried to pull the wool over my eyes and submitted 300, 400, and even 600 words. Last week I hacked off the extra words, but this week I will not be doing that. If you post more than 250 words, I will delete your submission without explanation.

What to Do After Receiving a Critique

You are welcome to reply to critiques on your work to thank the critiquer or to seek clarification.

Please do not post updated versions of your novel opening. This will prevent any individual writer from dominating the workshop. Asking for subsequent critiques is also asking a lot from your fellow writers who already took time to help you out.

Absolutely do not, under any circumstances, reply to a critique in an aggressive, insulting, or demeaning manor. It’s okay to disagree, but please do so respectfully.

I want this to be a positive and empowering experience for the Novel Boot Campers! If I feel that someone is disrupting that experience, I reserve the right to remove their posts and/or ban them as necessary.

How to Leave a Critique

Please post your critiques as a reply to the novel opening, not as a general reply in the comments section.

Please do not post one sentence critiques, such as, “I liked it.” Why did you like it? Be specific.

Do not mention your writing “status.” For example, do not mention that you’re a published author, an editor, a bestseller, an award-winner, etc. I do not have time to validate these statements and do not want writers being misled into believing they are being given professional advice.

Prize – Free 1,000 Word Critique!

Due to the volume of participants, it is unlikely that I will be able to select a winner based entirely on merit. Unless there is one critiquer who really stands out from the rest, the winner will be selected randomly.

That said, I will check through the posts of the random winner to ensure that they participated to the best of their ability. This means that the winner must have made a minimum of 5 critiques, all of which must be 3 sentences or longer in length.

My Participation

I will be offering critiques as I am willing and able. I’m editing novels 50 hours per week (not including the time spent on Novel Boot Camp) so it is unlikely that I will be able to offer critiques for most writers. 😦

Please do not take it personally! The ones I comment on will be more or less random.

And who knows? Novel Boot Camp will be over someday and maybe I’ll have time then to offer some critiques.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #4: Writing Believable Dialogue

July 4, 201412 Comments

Readers love dialogue. Why? Because it breaks up the monotony of big ol’ chunks of text. Personally, when I see pages and pages of sprawling paragraphs, it gives me flashbacks of reading horrible college textbooks.

But dialogue is fun! When we read it our eyes zip across the text. And everyone knows about that tiny bit of (huge) satisfaction readers get from turning pages. Dialogue gets you to the page turn so much faster!

“But isn’t dialogue about other, more important things, like character development?” – says everyone reading this blog.

Okay, okay, okay. In all seriousness, there are lots of great things about dialogue, but it’s easy to lose all of those great things if your dialogue doesn’t ring true. So today I’m giving you my best dialogue writing tips and tricks.

This was my absolutely most requested topic so I really hope it puts some of your questions to rest!

Characters Who Sound the Same

One of the most common issues with dialogue is all of the characters sounding the same. If the five-year-old sounds like the police chief who sounds like the ninety-year-old widow, you’ve got a problem.

Usually this problem is more common in writers who struggle to immerse themselves in some or all of their characters. If you can’t think how the character thinks and feel what the character feels, you’re going to have to put a lot more legwork into creating natural-sounding dialogue.

Another reason your characters might all sound the same is that you’re falling back on cliche or “stock” dialogue (more on that later) rather than truly thinking about what would be said in the situation.

No matter what the reason, here is a quick assignment to help you give each character their own unique way of speaking.

How to Make Your Characters Sound Different

Make a list of all the characters who do a significant amount of speaking in your novel. If there is too many to list, just pick as many as you feel able to handle right now.

Consider the following and how it might influence your character’s speech:

Upbringing: Was this character allowed to freely express their emotions in their childhood? Were they from a loud and outspoken family or a quiet one? Were they put down for saying something stupid or encouraged to ask questions? All of these things can affect the way people express themselves.

Education: Does this character have a college education? A high school education? Did they drop out of grade school? Education level has a huge impact on our word choices.

Career: What does/did this character do for a living? An engineer is going to have a very different set of vocabulary than a dentist. Furthermore, people often use analogies related to their work. A railroad worker might describe his emotions as “rumbling down the tracks.”

Worldview: Is this character a pessimist or an optimist? When things get rough, are they going to emphasize or downplay their obstacles? A pessimist might say, “I cut my goddamn finger!” while an optimist might say, “It’s just a little scrape.”

Age/Generation: When was this character raised? Someone born in the 40s isn’t going to use the same slang as someone born in 2000. And if they do try to use modern slang, they’ll probably get it wrong.

You may want to write down some example lines of dialogue for each of these elements for each of your characters and keep them handy in a document (or in Scrivener or on flashcards or whatever). Then you can refer to this “dialogue guide” often as you attempt to draw distinctions between various characters’ speech.

Another tip: When you’re ready to rewrite, edit all of one character’s dialogue at one time (and don’t touch the narration or the other characters’ dialogue) to make sure that you stay in that character’s head space and only their head space. This will make sticking to their voice a whole lot easier.

Dialogue Mistakes

There are a handful of very common dialogue mistakes that detract from the dialogue’s believability. There are a variety of forms these mistakes might take, but they all have one thing in common: the character is not speaking in a way that is authentic.

Usually this is because the writer is using the character as their mouthpiece rather than letting the character speak for him or herself. It might also be because the writer is too fixated on thinking like a writer and the dialogue they create is unnatural, too formal, or contrived.

Let’s look at some forms in which inauthentic dialogue might manifest.

“As you know, Bob…”

Telling (rather than showing) in dialogue can be effective when the reader doesn’t notice it (when it feels authentic and is in the character’s own voice), but often telling or info dumping through dialogue is so horribly, painfully apparent that it’s laughable.

“As you know, Bob, we always go out to brunch with your overbearing aunt on Sunday mornings. Ever since you lost your job and she bailed you out with that giant loan.”

If someone actually said this to Bob, can you imagine what he would be thinking? Um…yeah…I do know…why are you telling me? It’s weird. It’s awkward. It doesn’t work, and it certainly doesn’t sound authentic.

But sometimes “As you know, Bob” dialogue is not quite so apparent. Like in this example:

“I have to go to the bank today to ask about a loan. Ever since we bought this house, finances have just been so tight that I can barely afford groceries.”

Now, we can assume that this a conversation between spouses and that they are both already aware of their financial situation. So the wording just has a strangeness about it. Consider a much more natural approach:

“I’m going to go to the bank today to get that loan we talked about. I just can’t stand this. I couldn’t even buy milk yesterday. Sometimes I really wonder if this house is worth all this.”

In this second approach, the reader is far less aware of the fact that they’re being given back story.

Stilted Speech

For some reason, some writers tend to write speech like their characters are from ye olden days.

I think, in part, this comes from some myth that contractions (can’t, don’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t) are bad. The truth is, dialogue without contractions just sounds bizarre.

“I would not go over to John’s house after school because I could not find my school paper. Is that not right, Lisa?” < This is not how people talk.

Embrace contractions. Use them often. They’re a wonderful way to make speech feel more natural.

A lack of slang, curse words, and colloquialisms is another thing that can make speech feel stilted. Overly formal sentence construction can also be a problem:

“Will you please hand me the salt shaker.” is not as natural (for most people) as something like: “Hand me the salt shaker, please.” or “Gimme that salt shaker, would ya?”

Cliche Dialogue

The last thing I want to talk about today is cliche dialogue, which can seriously impair your dialogue’s believability. Just because people say it in the movies, doesn’t mean it sounds even remotely normal.

Here are some of the biggest cliches to watch out for:

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Don’t die on me!”
“I have a bad feeling about this.”
“He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?”
“Are you sitting down?”
“So, we meet again.”
“Is this some kind of sick joke?”
“You’ll never get away with this.”
“How hard can it be?”
“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”
“It’s quiet. Too quiet.”
“If I’m not back in ten minutes…”
“Tell my wife I love her.”
“You say that like it’s bad thing.”
“I was born ready.”

Lines like these have been used so many times that even using them as a joke seems like a cliche. Weeding cliches out of your dialogue can vastly improve believability.

Homework: Strengthen Your Dialogue

If you’ve done the first part of the homework above (to develop unique sounding dialogue for each of your characters) and you still have time to devote to Novel Boot Camp (go you!), then start working your way through your manuscript’s dialogue.

One of the most important things you can do is to say your dialogue out loud! If you’re not too shy, give your dialogue to two or more friends or family members and ask them to act it out. You will immediately sense places that seem awkward or unnatural. If your “actors” stumble over the speech or change it unconsciously (such as adding contractions), that’s also a good sign it isn’t natural.

Replace clunky, unnatural, or plain dialogue with stronger, unique dialogue. Especially focus on your first page because we’ll be having a critique next week (cue the cheering!).

Punctuating Dialogue

While you’re digging through your manuscript to improve your dialogue, go ahead and spend some time learning to punctuate it correctly.

Dialogue punctuation may seem like a small thing, but imagine a whole novel full of errors (it’s enough to make an editor shake in fear). Besides, punctuation errors just look unprofessional.

So do yourself a favor and run on over to my post: How to Punctuate Dialogue

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #3: How to Avoid Info Dumping

July 3, 201427 Comments

Info dumping is a problem for many writers. Sometimes it’s lazy writing. Sometimes the writer can’t come up with an alternative way to convey the information. And sometimes the writer doesn’t know what an info dump is at all.

For those who don’t know what an info dump is, it’s an extended form of telling (rather than showing). An info dump is a big chunk of information that is “dumped” in the reader’s lap all at once. These info dumps are usually done through narration but can be found in dialogue as well.

Sample Info Dump:

Jessica was her best friend. They met in high school and spent every day together. On the day they met, they were at dance class, which they both thought was kind of dumb, but had attended on a whim. Jessica stood right next to her and they laughed together about how goofy the boys looked dancing. After that they started doing everything together and became two peas in a pod.

Sample Info Dump Through Dialogue:

“Jessica is my best friend. We met in high school and spent every day together. On the day we met, we were at a dance class, which we both thought was kind of dumb, but….”

As far as info dumps go, these are relatively short. Info dumps can often stretch for paragraphs, pages, or even full chapters.

Identifying Info Dumps

So how do you know if you’ve got an info dump on your hands?

Info dumps can be fairly easily identified because nothing within the info dump is happening in the moment of the scene. Often they are reflections on the past (back story) or convey facts about the characters or world.

If you look at the sample info dump above, you can see right away that nothing being described is happening right now.

The most common things to info dump about are:

How abilities work (magical or otherwise).
Character back story.
Rules or laws of a city/country/world (very common in dystopian settings).
Personality traits.
Scifi technology.
Fantasy creatures/races.

Why are Info Dumps Bad?

Mainly because they’re boring! Readers want to be immersed in the moment of the story. They want to feel like they are standing beside your main character as exciting things happen around them.

Info dumps also fail to create an emotional reaction in the reader. Consider the following gem:

Jake had brown hair and blue eyes and liked to dance and play with dogs and do jumping jacks and one time his mother left him with the neighbor for a week and so he has deep emotional scars.

Makes you want to shed a tear, doesn’t it? Not! Most info dumps are cold/flat/bland. And when a reader’s emotions aren’t engaged, the reader’s not engaged.

The last reason I’m going to explore today is that info dumps feel like writing. The reader knows they’re reading a story, but they don’t want to feel like it’s a story. Info dumps call attention to themselves because they’re unnatural asides from the author. It’s like the director of a film stopping the movie to say, “Hey, wait a second, let me explain to you some vital information…”

Are Info Dumps Ever Okay?

Generally no, but a little bit of telling here and there is acceptable and encouraged. If you try to write a story with no telling at all, the reader may have difficulty fully understanding motivations.

The keys to effective telling are:

Integrate it into the scene as much as possible. Make it relevant to something that is happening in the moment.

Keep it brief. A sentence or two is about the max you get before reader’s eyes start to glaze over. In other words, no dumping!

Write it in such a way that it conveys something about a character’s personality. A flippant mention of a death keys the reader in that maybe the character didn’t like that person too well!

Break it up! Don’t stick all your telling in one spot. Sprinkle information throughout a scene or throughout the entire novel. Only tell the reader the minimum of what they need to know at any given moment.

Note that there are narrative styles that can get away with some info dumping:

Humor. If the info dump is funny and is in the context of a humorous novel, readers usually won’t notice or mind.

Omniscient POV. An omniscient narrator with a great voice and interesting perspective can make info dumps a seamless part of the narration.

First Person POV. But only when the info dumps convey voice or interesting character traits. Though I would not rest on this fact to justify keeping unimportant info dumps.

Middle grade novels. Opening with a nice info dump is common in early middle grade because it helps orient young readers who aren’t yet skilled at ascertaining implied character traits and back story.

Any time an info dump is actually genuinely truly entertaining, you’re probably okay. (But be honest with yourself!)

How to Avoid Info Dumps in the Setup

Info dumps can be a problem no matter where they fall in your manuscript, but I decided to put this lecture in the week focused on novel beginnings because the setup is notorious for lengthy info dumps. Plus, the closer to the beginning you info dump, the more likely it is to annoy the reader. Why? Because the reader is not yet invested enough in your story to be willing to wade through the information you want to tell them.

Homework: Cut Info Dumps from Your Setup

Go through your manuscript (as far as you are able given your time commitment to Novel Boot Camp) and highlight every piece of telling and every little info dump. Remember to look for anything that isn’t happening in the moment.

Chances are, you will end up with a stack (or digital file) of florescent-streaked pages. Go through each highlighted section and follow these steps:

Step One: Does it Matter?

“Of course it matters! It’s my beautiful novel! It’s a part of my character’s history! It’s a super interesting idea that is too awesome to remove!” – said every writer who has ever had to remove an info dump.

Losing a cool idea or an interesting piece of back story can hurt, but every writer includes things in the first draft that just don’t matter.

Ask yourself this: If I removed this info dump, would the reader still be able to understand the story? If yes, cut that baby out of there! If no, move on to step two.

Step Two: How Much of it Matters?

Sometimes only a tiny portion of an info dump is truly needed for clarity and the rest is extraneous.

Ask yourself: What is the bare minimum I could save of this info dump while preserving the reader’s ability to understand the story?

Sometimes this means ditching back story (Steph got busy last year and forgot to buy a gift for her mom because when she finally got out of work, all the stores were closed, then she had to go home to let the dog out, and….) and sticking to the simple facts (Steph forgot to buy a gift for her mom last year).

Step Three: Can it be Shown in an Existing Scene?

Now that you’ve deleted all the unnecessary info dumping, focus on the information you have left. Look at one piece of highlighting at a time.

Is there any way this information could be shown in a scene that already exists?

For example, if you need to convey to the reader that Kimmy is a smarty pants, perhaps you could show this in an existing scene where her big sisters are talking and she constantly butts into the conversation with her own ideas.

If you need to convey how a magical ability works, perhaps you could show it in an existing scene where the character needs to solve a conflict. Using the magic in the conflict is a quick and easy way to show how it works.

If you absolutely can’t incorporate the info dump into an existing scene, move on to step four.

Step Four: Create a Scene Around the Info

I am not saying to create a scene around the info dump. I am saying that you can create a scene that allows you to show the information contained in the info dump to the reader.

The important thing to remember is that the scene must push the plot forward. Creating an unneeded scene around an info dump is no better than keeping the info dump.

Step Five: Don’t be Lazy!

If you need to rewrite a major chunk of your book to avoid info dumping, do it! Don’t bury your head in the sand because it’s easier to leave in an info dump than it is to correct it.

Last Resort: Get Creative!

If you truly can’t find any way to convey information without using an info dump, make the info dump creative!

Use a newspaper article, a radio announcement, a TV broadcast, a conversation with an eccentric psychic, etc.

But remember that these creative techniques can be risky! The goal is to hide the fact that you’re info dumping, which means that you must execute it in a way that is clever and couched within the context of an interesting and engaging scene.

If Back Story Takes Over Your Novel

If you find that you have so much back story that there is no way to convey it without info dump after info dump, that could be a sign that you’re starting the story too late.

It could also be a sign that your plot is sagging and not enough is happening in the moment to balance the things that happened in the past.

Additional Resources

Is telling vs. showing giving you a headache? Check out some of my other articles on the subject:

How to Show Instead of Tell in Your Writing

How Much is Too Much Back Story

How to Dump Info without Info Dumping

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp – Lecture #1: The First Page Promise

July 1, 2014July 1, 201465 Comments

So here we are at our very first lecture for Novel Boot Camp! It only makes sense to start at the beginning – the very beginning – the first page of your novel.

If you follow my blog, then you know that I put a lot of stock in first pages. I provide free first page critiques every week in my blog series First Page Friday. I’ve probably written more about first pages and first chapters than anything else. And for a very good reason!

If your first page sucks, you’ve got nothing. Harsh? Maybe. But writing is a tough business. And because I’m an editor and love analogies, I’m going to compare it to another harsh business: the movie business.

Your Submission Package (An Analogy)

Most aspiring writers think of their first page as the setup, the part of the novel that just gets things going, the calm before the storm. This is wrong! All wrong! Your first page needs to open with a bang. It is your audition.

To carry the analogy a bit further:

Your query is your head shot.

Your First Page is your audition.

Your partial/full manuscript is the callback.

Getting published is getting the part.

We don’t have time to get into the query letter or (God forbid) your entire manuscript in this one blog post. So let’s focus on what we came here to focus on this morning: your first page.

The First Page is Your Audition

The goal of an audition is to impress the director with your acting skills. You want to demonstrate that you can handle the script better than anyone else. That you are great at what you do!

If a director likes your audition, it’s because they saw something in you that popped, something they loved. Because of that something, they give you a callback – another chance to convince them that you’re the actor for the job.

In the publishing world, your first page is your audition. It’s your chance to impress agents/editors with what you can do. You must convince them that you are a masterful storyteller of the exact story that you’re telling.

The Partial/Full is the Callback

In the movie business, if a director likes your audition, they give you a callback – a chance to prove that you can live up to your first audition. If you go to the callback and perform completely differently – maybe you put a new spin on the character or add some extra emotional complexity – the director is likely to be disappointed. Why? Because the director wants more of the same, not something different.

In the writing world, the first page is your initial audition. Everything that comes after (whether you send a partial or a full) is your callback. If your novel does not deliver what the first page promised, you’re in trouble. People who loved your first page won’t get what they wanted. And most importantly: the people who would’ve loved your novel won’t read it because the first page isn’t an accurate representation of the whole.

This means that the wrong people will read your novel. You might as well carve its tombstone right now.

Setting the Wrong Tone

The tone is the atmosphere your novel creates for the reader. It’s a sensation in their chest that makes them tense up with excitement or relax into a comforting tale. On the first page, the tone gives the reader an inkling of what to expect from your novel. It should spark an excitement that is supported from page one to the end.

But so many amateur novels set the wrong tone! If you open with a car chase, the reader will expect an action-packed book. If you follow that up with a family saga, the reader will be sorely disappointed. Likewise, a heart-wrenching death scene leading into a superficial comedy will attract all the wrong readers and repel the right ones.

So why do so many amateur novels open with the wrong tone? There are three main reasons:

1. The writer doesn’t know what the tone of their novel is when they first start writing, and after that first draft is complete, they don’t go back to rewrite the beginning.

2. The writer is worried that the logical point at which to open their novel is boring so they craft a more exciting beginning – even if it doesn’t represent their book.

3. The writer is too busy cramming information into the opening to write an interesting and on-tone first chapter.

Dreams, Prologues, Flashbacks, and Other False Promises

If your novel opens with a dream, prologue, or flashback there is a very good chance that you are opening with a false promise (and fall under group 2 in the list above).

These openings are often used as a way to make the first pages of the novel seem more exciting than they really are. Rather than crafting an awesome first chapter, it’s easier to write an exciting dream, prologue, or flashback to draw the reader into the story and then cross your fingers that they sludge through the boring opening that follows (the one you were trying to hide with the dream/flashback/prologue in the first place).

This is why writing advice across the web will tell you to avoid dreams, prologues, and flashbacks in your opening chapter. It is not because these things are inherently wrong, it’s because they are tools often used to deliver a false promise.

If your book makes sense without your prologue, dream, flashback, or any other device used to create a more engaging opening, you are probably better off cutting it and rewriting your first chapter.

ETA: Several people have posted in the comments asking if they can keep their prologue. I am not attempting to say that all prologues are bad, simply that prologues can be used to disguise problems with the first chapter. If this doesn’t describe your book, don’t fret over starting with a prologue just because it’s a prologue.

You can test whether your prologue works by asking yourself if both your prologue and your first chapter hold up in the homework section of this post.

“But what about my query letter or back cover blurb? Readers already know what my book is about!”

Both query letters and back cover blurbs are generally terrible at conveying tone. Furthermore, agents/editors rarely trust the writer’s ability to accurately assess and portray their genre and basic plot within a query letter.

Think of your query and blurb like a head shot in the movie business. A head shot is not intended to be used to cast an actor. It is a tool used to determine whether the director wants to give that actor a chance (an audition). It’s a quick peek that allows the director to say, “Oh yes, I love tall, dark, and handsome!” or “No, I need a short, ugly guy.”

The query letter and back cover blurb are your head shots. They’re you saying, “Look how pretty I can be!” But anyone can take a pretty photo or write a pretty query. That doesn’t mean they can act or write a cohesive novel.

If your first page delivers a tone or represents a genre other than what is stated in your blurb or query, you’re unlikely to get readers to stick around.

“But my novel gets better later!”

If you don’t impress readers/agents/editors on page one, there is no later.

A false promise opening is still a false promise even if it accurately represents the last half of your book. The first page must promise something that the entire book can deliver on.

How to Create a Promise You can Keep

Focus on the tone of your novel (creepy, heart-warming, funny, etc.). Come up with ways to integrate this tone into your opening page. But don’t go overboard. You want the novel to steadily build in intensity, so you don’t want the opening scene to be the scariest/most heart-warming/action-packed thing that happens in your book.

But don’t be boring either.

Sound like a tall order? It’s not as hard as you might think. Pick an opening that contains a conflict that is a micro-version of the internal or external central conflict of your novel. For example, if your novel is about a boy learning to be himself, start with a conflict about how he must pretend to not be himself to avoid a bully.

If your novel is about overthrowing an oppressive government, open with the character challenging an oppressive postal worker.

In both of these examples, the writer would have no problem building up the intensity over time, yet the examples aren’t boring either. They tell the reader exactly what to expect from the book, which means the right people are going to read it.

Homework Assignment

Before you begin, remember that to write a great first page, you must put your absolute best foot forward. This doesn’t mean using a style that isn’t your own or writing a crazy action-packed car chase. It means writing a first page that is the best overall representation of your novel.

Step One: Identify the tone of your novel. If you haven’t done so already, submit your novel’s opening in the Genre Guessing Game workshop to see if you’re conveying the tone you intend.

Step Two: Identify the external and internal conflict. The external conflict is the obstacle/villain/antagonist acting against the main character. The internal conflict is something within the character that is holding them back (usually a character flaw).

Step Three: Consider whether your current opening reflects the overall tone.

If not, brainstorm moments where you can create a stronger atmosphere. Don’t forget that word choice can have a huge impact on the novel’s tone.

Step Four: Consider whether your current opening has a conflict that mirrors the internal or external central conflict.

If your novel does not open with a conflict at all, that’s a good indication that it needs some major rewriting.

Step Four: Depending on your time commitment to Novel Boot Camp, either write a new novel opening or make notes about what to change about the current one.

If you don’t need to make any changes, triumphantly proclaim it in the comments section or on Twitter (#NovelBootCamp) and take today to peruse some of my past writing advice.

If you do need to make changes, let us know in the comments or on Twitter (#NovelBootCamp).

If you need help with your opening or aren’t sure if you need to make changes, post your questions in the comments, on Twitter (#NovelBootCamp), or in the Facebook group.

Additional Resources for a Killer Opening

Want to learn more about opening your novel? Here are my other videos and articles about the first chapter:

[VIDEO] First Chapter Mistakes and Cliches

[VIDEO] How to Write a Great First Chapter

[VIDEO] How to Write the Setup of Your Novel

Nailing Your Novel’s First Chapter

First Page Friday

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Novel Boot Camp Kickoff Party! (And Genre Guessing Game!)

June 30, 2014July 1, 20141,260 Comments

“It’s finally here! It’s finally here!” – Me, running around my house this morning.

It seems like forever ago that I first announced Novel Boot Camp. I asked for topic ideas, your most common editing problems, and I spent hours upon hours (upon hours) writing and perfecting the course. Whew! It almost felt like Boot Camp was never going to arrive!

But here we are at the kickoff party – you with your manuscripts in hand and me ready to do nothing but eat, breathe, and sleep (or not sleep) Novel Boot Camp for the next month. It’s going to be a wild ride!

Before things get too crazy and some of you are inevitably reduced to tears with a bloody manuscript in your hands, let me say that the excitement and enthusiasm for Novel Boot Camp has reminded me of why I do what I do. It is the passion and dedication of writers like you that keeps me blogging, editing, and mentoring. You guys are the greatest!

To celebrate the kickoff party, keep meeting up with writing friends and critique partners (though I know some of you are at more than capacity in that department!) and let your friends and family know that you’ll be putting your pen where your passion is and might be a bit busier (and crazier) than usual. In order to keep the blog comments focused on the workshop, post your kickoff party excitement on Twitter and the FB group.

And now on to our first workshop!

Workshop #1: Genre Guessing Game

June 30 – July 6

For our first workshop, I want to focus on the most important aspect of editing – seeing your novel from the outside.

This is no easy task! You’ve toiled and slaved over your novel. You know it inside and out. If you’ve been editing it long enough, you can probably recite passages from heart. All of that is lovely and wonderful and passionate, but terrible for editing.

So for this first workshop, I want you to send your book out into the world – just a tiny piece of it – to see how it’s perceived by those outside yourself, by the people who know nothing about it.

Participants will submit the first 200 words of their manuscript. Guessers will attempt to identify the genre, tone, and basic plot of the novel. The objective is to have a bit of fun while exploring how your manuscript looks from the outside. Do people think your romantic comedy is a horror/thriller? Do readers expect your story of redemption to be a story of revenge?

Remember that how the Boot Campers perceive your novel is likely how agents and editors will perceive it too. We’ll be talking about why the reader’s perception of the first page is important in our first lecture tomorrow.

Warning: This is a new and totally untested workshop process. Please bare with me if there are any technical kinks or if things seem awkward. I wanted to do something unique so I hope it works!

How to Play the Genre Guessing Game

***Read the FULL directions and follow them or you will not be eligible to participate!***

Firstly, I understand that not all readers are comfortable sharing their work online. If you do not want to submit, you may still participate in the guessing.

How to Submit Your Opening

To streamline the process, decrease cheating, and increase participation, I will be posting all of the first pages anonymously (meaning that no one other than me will know whose first page is whose). If you attempt to submit your own first page, it will be deleted!

The submitted novel openings will be posted as quickly as possible, but since it must be done manually, there will likely be some delay.

Submit your novel’s opening in the form below. It will go to my email and I will manually post the first 200 words only (not your name, genre, tone, etc.) into the comments section.

Note that your novel’s opening is the very first 200 words. If you open with a prologue, use that rather than your first chapter.

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

How to Guess the Genre

In the comments section below this post, leave a reply to the novel openings submitted and post some or all of the following:

Guess the Genre – Is it a contemporary romance? A YA paranormal? A horror/science fiction hybrid? Post your best guess. If you think it’s middle grade or young adult, please also include a genre (adventure, comedy, romance, etc.).

Guess the Tone – What do you think the overall tone of this novel is? Is it creepy? Heartwarming? Spiritual? Disturbing? In other words, what adjective would you use to describe the book?

Guess the Basic Plot – What do you think this novel is going to be about? What do you expect to happen?

Do NOT post a critique of the opening or any comments about the writing quality or style. We will have a novel opening critique later in the month.

Please do not post your guesses anonymously unless you do not want to be eligible to win the prize for best guesser!

Sample comment/guess: I think this is a middle grade adventure story with a dark tone. I expect it to be about how the main character learns to overcome his fear of the water to defeat a sea monster.

What Should Writers Take Away?

The reader’s perception of your novel is more important than your own. Keep an eye on your novel’s opening this week to see how Boot Campers perceive your work. Is it right in line with your vision or way off?

Is the novel going to deliver what readers seem to expect? We’ll be talking about the importance of the first page’s promise in our first lecture tomorrow.

Prize – Free Edit of Your First 1,000 Words!

This workshop will have two winners! Due to the labor involved in posting, moderating, and then judging the posts, it may take me until after Novel Boot Camp to choose and notify the winners. How long it takes depends on the level of participation.

Award for the Best Guesser: This prize will go to the Novel Boot Camper with guessing power from the gods. In other words: the camper with the most correct guesses.

Award for the Best Opening: This prize will go to the opening that had its novel, genre, and basic plot guessed correctly the most often.

Both winners will receive a free edit of their first 1,000 words.

Connect with Other Novel Boot Camp Participants

Need a writing friend? Got a question? Need a shoulder to cry on? We’re there for you!

What is Novel Boot Camp?

Novel Boot Camp is a free online novel writing course focused on identifying and correcting problems in your novel. Learn more about Novel Boot Camp and find past (and future) posts here.

Don’t miss the second page of novel openings! Look for “Newer Comments” on the bottom of the page!

First Page Friday #39: MG Horror/Adventure

June 27, 201418 Comments

Novel Boot Camp

First Page Friday will be on hiatus from July 4th through August 1st for Novel Boot Camp. Weekly workshops and daily lectures will be held during the month instead. Please come by and participate! Connect with other Novel Boot Camp participants:

Need a Critique Partner or Writing Friend? It’s not too late to join the meet and greet!

About First Page Friday

First Page Friday is a blog series where I provide a free edit and critique of the first 500 words of an unpublished novel. Read the excerpt without my notes first and leave your vote in the poll. Afterward, feel free to leave a comment for the author. Feedback is always helpful!

MG Horror/Adventure – Ryan

Erik admired the way his brother could smile through his bloodied face. Ozzie received a beating with all the regularity of a clock striking twelve, but this time it actually came at midnight. Ozzie crushed stalks of wheat as he fell, but he jumped up and struck back with his ten-year-old arms. He was no match for Jonas though. With four more years of hard farming labor over Ozzie, Jonas’s arms were twice the size and impacted his body like an axe to a tree. With a fist driven to his gut, Ozzie dropped to the ground again, struggling to breathe.

The skin on Erik’s face grew hot, but he just watched. He dug his hand in his pocket, found his rock and squeezed. There’s no use intervening; Jonas would just brutalize him like he did Ozzie. Nothing would be put to right. The rock pained his hand as his grasp constricted. There was a clamp on his stomach every time his brother got beat, but even if he did get the better of Jonas, there’d be hell to pay at home. Besides, Jonas was going to get his just desserts later anyway. Erik smirked and released the rock in his pocket.

“Are you idiots going to get back to work? Uncle Bauer won’t be happy if the harvest isn’t done before the storms come.” Erik said.

“Mind yer own business! Just had to finish teaching your brain-dead brother the same lesson as always.” Jonas strutted away giving his wrist a quick flick. “See you rats tomorrow. I gotta date with Lara.”

“A pretty girl like that…” Ozzie stammered between breaths, “ain’t gonna go for a moron like you.” But Jonas was already gone.

Erik approached his brother and shook his head when he saw Ozzie’s smile, like pearls in a stream of blood. “What’s wrong with you? Fighting him ain’t going to do no good.” He pulled Ozzie up. “You gotta stop getting him angry.”

Ozzie brushed his pants. “I didn’t even do anything; he just wants to be a tough guy. Someone’s gotta do something about it sometime.”

Erik patted down Ozzie’s shoulders brushing off dirt and broken stalks. “Don’t worry about that, he’s in for quite a surprise when he gets to Krause’s barn.”

Ozzie wiped his bloody mouth with the back of his arm. “Why’s that?”

Erik laughed. “You wanna get back at Jonas? You gotta know his weak spot; Lara. I once heard him singing about her hair smelling like dandelions! It’s pathetic. You know Elsa, right? I got her to write a letter pretending to be Lara. It says she’s always had a secret love for him and that he should go over to her family’s barn tonight because she’s got a special present for him.”

Reader Participation – What Do You Think?

Before reading my take on this novel opening, please take a moment to record your thoughts in the poll below.

Your thoughtful critiques and suggestions for the writer are also welcome in the comments section. Explaining your vote gives the author even more insight into where they’re hitting the mark and where they can improve.

My Feedback

Critique Key

Original Text is in italics. (Author is already using italics, so my comments are going to be underlined this week)

Red is text I recommend removing.

Green is text I recommend adding.

Blue is my comments.

Orange is highlighting.

MG Horror/Adventure – Ryan

Erik admired the way his brother could smile through his bloodied face. Ozzie received a beating with all the regularity of a clock striking twelve, but this time it actually came at midnight. < I really like this line. Ozzie crushed stalks of wheat as he fell, but he jumped up and struck back with his ten-year-old arms. < His arms are ten years old? What about the rest of him? I’m just teasing. But I suggest you find another way to introduce his age. Also if Erik admires Ozzie, the assumption is going to be that Ozzie is older. If that’s the case, then Erik is probably too young to appeal to most MG readers. He was no match for Jonas though. With four more years of hard farming labor over Ozzie, Jonas’s arms were twice the size and impacted his body like an axe to a tree. With a fist driven to his gut, Ozzie dropped to the ground again, struggling to breathe.

Is this story about Erik or Ozzie? You open with Erik, which indicates to readers that he is the main character, but then the rest of the paragraph focuses on Ozzie. We even get details about Ozzie, like his age and the fact that he always gets beaten up. We don’t know anything about Erik.

The skin on Erik’s face grew hot, but he just watched. < Here you’re telling me that your character is inactive. If he’s the MC, this is a problem. He needs to be participating. He dug his hand in his pocket, found his rock and squeezed. There’s was no use intervening; Jonas would just brutalize him like he did Ozzie. Nothing would be put to right. The rock pained his hand as his grasp constricted. There was a clamp on his stomach every time his brother got beat, but even if he did get the better of Jonas, there’d be hell to pay at home. Besides, Jonas was going to get his just desserts later anyway. Erik smirked and released the rock in his pocket.

“Are you idiots going to get back to work? Uncle Bauer won’t be happy if the harvest isn’t done before the storms come.” Erik said. < They’re harvesting in the middle of the night? Why?

“Mind yer own business! Just had to finish teaching your brain-dead brother the same lesson as always.” <What lesson is he teaching him? As a reader, I expected the scene to focus on the fight and why it occurred. The fight not being addressed feels like a let down. Jonas strutted away giving his wrist a quick flick. “See you rats tomorrow. I gotta date with Lara.”

“A pretty girl like that…” Ozzie stammered between breaths, “ain’t gonna go for a moron like you.” But Jonas was already gone.

Erik approached his brother and shook his head when he saw Ozzie’s smile, his teeth like pearls in a stream of blood. “What’s wrong with you? Fighting him ain’t going to do no good.” He pulled Ozzie up. “You gotta stop getting him angry.” < I’m not sure what personality traits Erik has. Is he bossy towards his brother or caring? Is he afraid to intervene or not?

Ozzie brushed his pants. “I didn’t even do anything; he just wants to be a tough guy. Someone’s gotta do something about it sometime.”

Erik patted down Ozzie’s shoulders brushing off dirt and broken stalks. “Don’t worry about that, he’s in for quite a surprise when he gets to Krause’s barn.”

Ozzie wiped his bloody mouth with the back of his arm. “Why’s that?” < The blood makes this seem like upper middle grade (ages 10-12) but Ozzie’s age (10) makes it seem like lower middle grade. Remember that middle graders read about kids older than they are, not the same age or younger.

My Overall Thoughts

From this opening, I’m getting the impression that Erik is a fairly weak character – both in the sense that he is inactive and in the sense that his personality is not fully conceived/conveyed. I’m also not sure when this is set. The harvest makes me wonder if this is historical but it’s certainly not clear.

Key Places to Improve:

Clarify who the main character is. If it’s Erik, why open with a conflict involving his brother and another boy? This is our first impression of Erik and he’s standing on the sidelines. His lack of involvement makes him seem like an observer, which is not a good trait for a protagonist.

If Erik is afraid to intervene, why does he have no problem calling them “idiots”? The emphasis on the rock and his inaction seemed to indicate that a fear of fighting is a character trait for him, so the name calling and his plan to trick Jonas contradicts that. Give the reader at least one concrete character trait to latch onto.

The setting of the scene is confusing. Why are they harvesting wheat at midnight? Why are kids harvesting wheat at all? Is this historical?

The Writeditor’s Grade (out of 5): 2.5

I’m not sure that you’re starting in the right place or getting the best details into this opening, but the writing was pretty smooth with a few lines that stood out (standing out is good!). Make sure that you keep your voice apparent because I do see a risk of slipping into a bland voicelessness.

But of course, since you’re participating in Novel Boot Camp, we’re going to get your novel polished to a shine!

A note on the grading scale: The rating of the first chapter does not indicate the rating of the novel as a whole nor does it indicate the writer’s overall ability.

Submit to First Page Friday – (currently OPEN to submissions)

***Please read this entire section before submitting***

Due to the amount of time it takes to respond to each email and due to the volume of submissions received (I booked 4 months in about 2 weeks), I am changing the submission and selection process for First Page Friday for my own sanity as well as to increase the quality of the series.

Submissions will no longer be accepted on a first come, first serve basis, and I will no longer be scheduling posts in advance. I will review submissions once a week and choose a first page that I feel provides the best learning opportunity for readers. This means that as much as I would love to respond to every submission, you probably won’t hear from me if I don’t select your first page. It also means that I may select your first page months after you submit it (you are responsible for updating or pulling your submission as needed).

To Submit, send the following information to ellenbrock@keytopservices.com or if you have trouble with that email address (as has been the case for some of you lately), send it to editorbrock@gmail.com:

The name you want used on your post (real name, pseudonym, or anonymous)
The first 500 words (Don’t stop in the middle of a sentence, but don’t add sentences above and beyond 500 words)
Any links you want included with the post (website, Amazon, GoodReads, Twitter, etc.)

Title your submission email: SUBMISSION: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]

If you don’t tell me your genre, I cannot choose you for First Page Friday so please include it!

If you need to update or revoke your submission, title your email: UPDATE: First Page Friday – [Genre of your book]

If you are also interested in my editing or mentoring services, please send a separate email from your First Page Friday submission so that I can address it promptly. I will only open as many submission as it takes for me to select a first page, so I probably won’t get to your email for several weeks.

I will not remove First Page Friday critiques after they are posted, so please do not submit if you are not okay with your work being publicly critiqued on my blog.

I ask that you please comment, vote, and share First Page Friday posts from other authors. It’s courteous to both give and receive help. Thank you!

***A few people have emailed asking if they can have a private first page critique. I am more than happy to do that, but due to being completely booked (I’m working 10-11 hour days!), I have to charge $25 for private, offline first page critiques. Thanks for understanding!***

About the Editor

Ellen Brock is a freelance novel editor who works with self-publishing and traditionally publishing authors as well as e-publishers and small presses. When not editing, she enjoys reading, writing, and geocaching. Check out her freelance novel editing services and mentoring.

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